Tuff Enough? Hell no.

Fair warning: this is going to be one of those hodge-podgey, poorly thought out, poorly constructed posts in which I basically rant until my fingers get tired.  Please forgive.  And enjoy. 

We started Tech Week last night, and I would like to say for the record, how much I love working in The Long Center.  Is it expensive to rent?  I imagine so.  Are the dressing rooms, monitors, etc. a delight to my mind and soul?  Yes.  Does the bone chilling cold back there thrill my little heart, and do I not give a shit when I hear my friends and fellow actors bitching and moaning about how cold it is?  Yes.  Yes it thrills, and no, I do not give a shit.  Toughen up, you little titty-babies. 

One thing I am not loving, are the mirrors.  The dressing rooms are LOADED UP with mirrors.  Huge mirrors on both sides, a mirror over the dressing room sink... there's no escaping yourself, or pretending you haven't gained 12 pounds in the past year.  There's just taking your own effing advice and sucking it up and swearing to eat better from that moment on.

Weight has been a struggle lately.  Admittedly, it's been a struggle a long time.  It's probably the thing I'm most sensitive about and something I have been dealing with since I was twelve.  Around 30 I started to win the battle and dropped a hundred pounds, but it's something I think about every day of my life.  Sometimes I walk past a mirror and see "Pretty damned cute", even if it is me saying so, and other times I see a bulbous monster that there's no escape from.  Usually I run the treadmill to manage it, but lately a bone spur has kept me from doing that... I finally scheduled a doctor's appointment to handle it, and as soon as the show is over, I will get it taken care of and be back to running and walking a week or two later.  Halleluja.    In the mean time I'll look at that Melissa McCarthy quote in which she talks about accepting yourself for who you are and realizing that you may never be what you consider "thin enough", but that what you are is beautiful.  That may pacify me for about 30 seconds.

Random Advice:  If you ever appear in videos on youtube...do NOT look at the comments.  I made a few videos a couple years ago with "Project Rant" and made the mistake yesterday of checking out a couple of the comments.  If you are an absolutely perfect specimen of male or female and fit perfectly within societies confines and made a youtube video, well then look away because you will find your sweetest thoughts reaffirmed...however, if you are me you might discover that you are even gayer than you knew yourself to be.  You are "shitting unicorns and cumming rainbows" gay, and this is by and large not considered to be a good thing.  And PS: you are too old to be wearing a t-shirt with a cupcake on it.  Touche, youtube commenters.  Touche.

Now, this titty-baby is going to go work out with really big and heavy weights.  Afterwards I will wash up with "Lava" soap, and sit down to a lunch of Sandpaper salad.  Tough enough?  Mayhaps.