Autumn is on the way. You can feel it in the breeze, in the lowering of temperatures, see it in the rain, and in front of stores where the pumpkins are stacked in rolling piles. The traditional pumpkins are lovely, but I'm partial to the more exotic "Fairy Tale" pumpkins, which remind me alternately of the "crinkled leaves roasty toasty" presence of fall, and the magic of "Once Upon A Time" which seems possible just because these giant gourdes exist, because I've only ever seen them in the pages of folktales.
One thing I'll miss is the sound of the frogs at night as I fall asleep. My apartment is near a little pond and I love opening the windows at night to hear to the chirping and humming of the bugs mingled with the croaking of frogs. Occasionally, I even hear the hooting of an owl perched on the tree outside, and this natural symphony lulls me to sleep. It reminds me that there are other creatures are out there living their own dramas, and I am not the center of life's universe, as I often imagine myself to be. I'm just one of many creatures in this wild world.
Thankfully the wasps are gone, and I won't miss them. For awhile I was duking it out with them over who was going to own the back porch. That little patio area can be a lovely place to read and nestle, feel at one with the outdoors, but it isn't when there's a mound of mud up in the corner with four or five hornets buzzing around it. So every day or so, I'd have to throw a cup of soapy water up there and then race into the living room and slam the door, hoping I'd gotten them all and one wouldn't come flying at my face, stinger ablaze. Luckily, I have the balls to get pretty close to the nest before I toss the water, and my aim is true. That usually took care of them for awhile, unlike the dish of soapy water and sugar sitting on the porch, which didn't do anything, for the record. But August is over, and they are gone, which is nice, because not only am I free of them, but I'm free of the guilt I feel from killing them.
On a completely different topic, Pink Martini has come out with a new album called Get Happy, with lots of collaboration on it, from from Ari Shapiro (hubba- hubba you ball of delicious erudite sexiness) to Phyllis Diller in her final recording in which she sings "Smile". Rufus Wainwright is also represented, dueting with China Forbes on the Judy/Barbra classic "Get Happy/Happy Days". It's a lush, an lovely arrangement, but it also irks me a little bit, as it inevitably will when I hear anyone doing a Garland standard. And I have to wonder how Rufus became the go to singer for Judy classics. Just because he had the hutzpah to do the Carnegie Hall tour?
Wainwright is to my mind, one of the best song writers around, and his combining of classical and pop sounds is brilliant, with his languid, lolling vocal style is the perfect conduit for his lyrics and melodies. He doesn't however, have the background or vocal technique to pull off Judy's material, or other material of that time period. As far as I'm concerned, he's far better at interpreting his own works.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Oohs and Oz
When I first heard that The Wizard of Oz was getting the 3D treatment, my mind immediately flashed to the notoriously slapdash 3D done for Clash of the Titans a few years back, and if you have similarly ambivelant feelings about 3D, I don't blame you, but let me put your mind at ease.
This experience is the best of what 3D can offer and made me feel like the proverbial fly on the wall as all of the action occurred in front of my eyes. Even, the paintings that fill out the landscapes have been transferred to 3-D. This technology combined with the huge screen and surround sound, made the film seem as present, modern, sleek and brilliant as it's ever been.
It was as if it was filmed yesterday, but without CGI, and with the tremendous attention to craftsmanship that seems in many ways lost today. And the lovely thing about the quality is how much detail you are able to see. You can count Judy Garland's freckles, the wrinkles in her dress, her distorted reflection as she looks into the crystal ball (which has to be seen to be believed) as her Aunt Em transforms into the menacingly wicked Witch of the West. You can even, in rare moments see Bert Lahr's wig line.
I was aware for the first time of just how often little Toto was bounding around under the four friends constantly moving feet, and how constant the lion's tail was swinging, as if it had a life of its own. Plus, because of the 3D, I felt as if I were moving with the camera, and was aware for the first time of all those beautiful crane shots. It's just a stunning, immersive experience, and one with a saddenly short life span. The critics all agree it looks wonderful, and I've linked to some reviews if you care to check them out.
Variety
USA Today
Entertainment Weekly
Below is a short promotional film which illustrates the restoration and the application of 3D and IMAX technology. Hopefully it will get you to go, because you only have today and tomorrow and then it will be gone from theatres and heading to (gasp) television.
And finally, for the film buffs, there is a beautiful pictorial book that delves into the sets, lights, costumes, and props called The Wizardry of Oz, which you can get on Amazon.com.
This experience is the best of what 3D can offer and made me feel like the proverbial fly on the wall as all of the action occurred in front of my eyes. Even, the paintings that fill out the landscapes have been transferred to 3-D. This technology combined with the huge screen and surround sound, made the film seem as present, modern, sleek and brilliant as it's ever been.
It was as if it was filmed yesterday, but without CGI, and with the tremendous attention to craftsmanship that seems in many ways lost today. And the lovely thing about the quality is how much detail you are able to see. You can count Judy Garland's freckles, the wrinkles in her dress, her distorted reflection as she looks into the crystal ball (which has to be seen to be believed) as her Aunt Em transforms into the menacingly wicked Witch of the West. You can even, in rare moments see Bert Lahr's wig line.
I was aware for the first time of just how often little Toto was bounding around under the four friends constantly moving feet, and how constant the lion's tail was swinging, as if it had a life of its own. Plus, because of the 3D, I felt as if I were moving with the camera, and was aware for the first time of all those beautiful crane shots. It's just a stunning, immersive experience, and one with a saddenly short life span. The critics all agree it looks wonderful, and I've linked to some reviews if you care to check them out.
Variety
USA Today
Entertainment Weekly
Below is a short promotional film which illustrates the restoration and the application of 3D and IMAX technology. Hopefully it will get you to go, because you only have today and tomorrow and then it will be gone from theatres and heading to (gasp) television.
And finally, for the film buffs, there is a beautiful pictorial book that delves into the sets, lights, costumes, and props called The Wizardry of Oz, which you can get on Amazon.com.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Random Thoughts from Last Night's Emmy Broadcast
Is it just me, or did the Emmy's REALLY try to beat the Tony's at their own game, and in most cases, fall far short of their mark? NPH was borrowed from the Tony's and was great, but there's only so much you can do with poorly written material. I'm just not a fan of supposedly impromptu bits which reek of being canned. Another moment that reminded me how great The Tony's are? A "trying way to hard to be clever" number called "The Number in the Middle of the Show".
The Variety category reminded me how much I miss actual Variety shows. Today, comedic news programs and late night talk shows pass as Variety, and I enjoy them for what they are, but I'd love it if they could find a way to bring back shows like The Carol Burnett Show, Gary Moore, The Muppet Show, The Judy Garland Show, The Dean Martin Show, and "The Ed Sullivan Show". They brought amazing talent together for once in a lifetime moments, had some unforgettable comedic sketches, and threw in the occasional plate spinning dog trainer thrown in for good measure.
I also think Merrit Wever's four word acceptance speech was pretty brilliant. She was charming, unpretentious and refreshing. However, I can't help but think that at some point she will regret not thanking her folks, or significant other... In case you agree, here she is being a little more talkative later that night.
Jim Parsons and his three Emmy wins is a little annoying and I'm not sure why he keeps winning, but the Emmy voters love him. Maybe they just really miss David Hyde Pierce and figure Parsons fits the bill. THAT SAID, he won me over by how absolutely endearing he was. Grateful, humble, darling as all get out. My grinchly heart grew three sizes thanks to his gamin like presence.
Bob Newhart's standing ovation was my favorite part of the evening and made me teary, unlike all the stilted, obviously teleprompter aided tribute speeches. He's never won an Emmy until this year, which is weird as all get out, and he seemed just blown away by it all.
Claire Danes needs her own talk show. I would pay to watch her in an impromptu forum where she feels all eyes on her on a nightly basis. She was like a crazed show dog up there, and it was horrifying and enthralling. And God bless Hugh Dancy because he's obviously in love as can be, and life with someone as tightly wound as Claire Danes can not be all hearts and rainbows. She was however, cringe worthy in that whole Lexus (it was Lexus wasn't it?) campaign with Danes in a comedic setting. She is many things, but cuddly and comedic she ain't. It was completely out of her wheel house. If you want to see her being abso-fucking-lutely brilliant, check out Temple Grandin. The woman is obviously a massive talent.
I loved Don Cheadle talking about 1963-1964 and how monumental it was, but I could definitely have done without Carrie Underwood yodeling "Yesterday".
Dear CBS, I will purposely not watch whatever show that is with Allison Janney and that blonde girl, nor will I watch Job from Arrested Development and his mom. That's how blatant and grating those promotions were within the show.
Another great moment (aside from Michael Douglas' acceptance speech, which you've surely seen elsewhere by now) was the dance number created by the nominated choreographers. Here it is, really getting started at about 1:50 minutes in, in case you missed it.
The Variety category reminded me how much I miss actual Variety shows. Today, comedic news programs and late night talk shows pass as Variety, and I enjoy them for what they are, but I'd love it if they could find a way to bring back shows like The Carol Burnett Show, Gary Moore, The Muppet Show, The Judy Garland Show, The Dean Martin Show, and "The Ed Sullivan Show". They brought amazing talent together for once in a lifetime moments, had some unforgettable comedic sketches, and threw in the occasional plate spinning dog trainer thrown in for good measure.
I also think Merrit Wever's four word acceptance speech was pretty brilliant. She was charming, unpretentious and refreshing. However, I can't help but think that at some point she will regret not thanking her folks, or significant other... In case you agree, here she is being a little more talkative later that night.
Jim Parsons and his three Emmy wins is a little annoying and I'm not sure why he keeps winning, but the Emmy voters love him. Maybe they just really miss David Hyde Pierce and figure Parsons fits the bill. THAT SAID, he won me over by how absolutely endearing he was. Grateful, humble, darling as all get out. My grinchly heart grew three sizes thanks to his gamin like presence.
Bob Newhart's standing ovation was my favorite part of the evening and made me teary, unlike all the stilted, obviously teleprompter aided tribute speeches. He's never won an Emmy until this year, which is weird as all get out, and he seemed just blown away by it all.
Claire Danes needs her own talk show. I would pay to watch her in an impromptu forum where she feels all eyes on her on a nightly basis. She was like a crazed show dog up there, and it was horrifying and enthralling. And God bless Hugh Dancy because he's obviously in love as can be, and life with someone as tightly wound as Claire Danes can not be all hearts and rainbows. She was however, cringe worthy in that whole Lexus (it was Lexus wasn't it?) campaign with Danes in a comedic setting. She is many things, but cuddly and comedic she ain't. It was completely out of her wheel house. If you want to see her being abso-fucking-lutely brilliant, check out Temple Grandin. The woman is obviously a massive talent.
I loved Don Cheadle talking about 1963-1964 and how monumental it was, but I could definitely have done without Carrie Underwood yodeling "Yesterday".
Dear CBS, I will purposely not watch whatever show that is with Allison Janney and that blonde girl, nor will I watch Job from Arrested Development and his mom. That's how blatant and grating those promotions were within the show.
Another great moment (aside from Michael Douglas' acceptance speech, which you've surely seen elsewhere by now) was the dance number created by the nominated choreographers. Here it is, really getting started at about 1:50 minutes in, in case you missed it.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
J.C. Leyendecker: Trail Blazing Illustrator
It's possible you've never heard of J.C. Leyendecker, but you've almost certainly seen his influence in advertising and illustration. Famous as the creator of theArrow Collar Man, illustrator for 322 covers for the Saturday Evening Post, and mentor to Norman Rockwell, his creations are beautiful, polished, thought provoking, some are surprisingly suggestive for the time, and all of them represent a long lost vision of America and, specifically, the American male.
His private life was also ahead of its time, in that he lived with a man, and the two of them threw lavish parties in the 1920's. His mate, Charles Beach was the model for many of the men he painted, including the Arrow Collar Man, and was the cause of feuding between Joseph and his siblings, who did not approve of the relationship. Leyendecker's life reads like something out of the pages of a gay Great Gatsby, and Collector's Weekly published an excellent article about him last year, which you should definitely take the time to read.
His private life was also ahead of its time, in that he lived with a man, and the two of them threw lavish parties in the 1920's. His mate, Charles Beach was the model for many of the men he painted, including the Arrow Collar Man, and was the cause of feuding between Joseph and his siblings, who did not approve of the relationship. Leyendecker's life reads like something out of the pages of a gay Great Gatsby, and Collector's Weekly published an excellent article about him last year, which you should definitely take the time to read.
The Wizard of Oz 3D IMAX Experience
Yep, I'm pretty damn excited to see The Wizard of Oz in Imax 3-D. It was an 18 month transfer process and this review from Edge On The Net has given me a lot of hope that this has been artfully done and will be an immersive experience in the best way possible. No, I'm not a huge fan of 3-D technology, but I'm a true geek for this film and have seen it more than fifty times. When I was a kid, the time when this movie came out on television was my Christmas. I would look forward to it weeks in advance, and on the night it aired we would make special treats, plop down in front of the television, and I'd record it on a portable tape recorder for later enjoyment throughout the year (pre VHS).
I've seen it at least fifteen different times on the big screen (including once at Grauman's Chinese Theatre in L.A.) since then and every time I do, I am gifted with a little bit of the kidlike wonder I felt back then. It makes me feel innocent again, the way I felt when I was certain there was magic in the world, and there's no better feeling than that.
I highly encourage everyone to check it out and show the suits that there is still interest in the film, even seventy five years after it was originally screened. Here's the trailer to pique your interest.
I'm seeing it tomorrow with my best friend, and promise to report back.
McDonalds responds...
Ok, so as you know, I wrote to McDonalds and complained about the fact that the toys in their Happy Meals are being given out with specificity to the child's gender (ie: boys get Batman toys, girls get Wizard of Oz toys) and here is their response to my complaint, which I admit was slightly bitchy as I was riled up and I admit to implying I had a little boy, which I plainly do not have...
_____________________________
Thank you for taking the time to write McDonald's and to share your thoughts with us about our Happy Meals.
I'm sorry you're disappointed with some of our Happy Meal programs. First, please be assured that none of our toys are meant to be gender-restricted. Rather, all of our toys are meant to be enjoyed by all our younger customers -- both girls AND boys.
When we offer a Happy Meal with two different themes, our employees have been specifically trained to ask customers which of the two toys offered that week they would like, and not whether they would like a "girl" toy or a "boy" toy. I'm sorry if you've experienced anything different.
Please be assured, we would never want any of our promotions, games or premium items to disappoint our customers. Because you're a valued customer, your comments are very important to us, and have been shared with our Marketing staff for their on-going review.
Again, thank you for contacting McDonald's. We look forward to serving you for many years to come.
_____________________________
Hello Joe:
Thank you for taking the time to write McDonald's and to share your thoughts with us about our Happy Meals.
I'm sorry you're disappointed with some of our Happy Meal programs. First, please be assured that none of our toys are meant to be gender-restricted. Rather, all of our toys are meant to be enjoyed by all our younger customers -- both girls AND boys.
When we offer a Happy Meal with two different themes, our employees have been specifically trained to ask customers which of the two toys offered that week they would like, and not whether they would like a "girl" toy or a "boy" toy. I'm sorry if you've experienced anything different.
Please be assured, we would never want any of our promotions, games or premium items to disappoint our customers. Because you're a valued customer, your comments are very important to us, and have been shared with our Marketing staff for their on-going review.
Again, thank you for contacting McDonald's. We look forward to serving you for many years to come.
Quinn
McDonald's Customer Response Center
ref#:10390781
------------------------------
You wrote:
I was pretty disappointed to discover that when parents ask for a Happy Meal for their child they are then asked if the toy will be for a girl or a boy. Apparently, at this time if it's a toy for a girl they are presented with "Wizard of Oz" toys, and Batman toys for boys. What if you have a girl who loves Batman or a boy who loves "The Wizard of Oz"? When did Oz become strictly girl fare? Why make gender judgments at all?
I'm sure you just want to make your customers happy and not make my little boy feel awkward for wanting a Wizard of Oz toy? Am I correct in this?
McDonald's Customer Response Center
ref#:10390781
------------------------------
You wrote:
I was pretty disappointed to discover that when parents ask for a Happy Meal for their child they are then asked if the toy will be for a girl or a boy. Apparently, at this time if it's a toy for a girl they are presented with "Wizard of Oz" toys, and Batman toys for boys. What if you have a girl who loves Batman or a boy who loves "The Wizard of Oz"? When did Oz become strictly girl fare? Why make gender judgments at all?
I'm sure you just want to make your customers happy and not make my little boy feel awkward for wanting a Wizard of Oz toy? Am I correct in this?
I admit to being appreciative of their quick response, and their progressive policy, although I DO have a hard time thinking that they are actively enforcing this policy, as this isn't the first time I've heard of this happening, and they've had other campaigns which were much more blatantly targeted to different genders.
This being said, I may have to get ahold of these Happy Meal toys, even if I don't buy the food that it comes with. They are so CUTE!
Aaron Paul on The Price is Right, and A Podcast Recommendation
I have never seen an episode of Breaking Bad, and frankly I've never really been tempted to watch it, and yes I've heard a ton of people, critics and friends alike, saying how addictive it is. I just can't get over the thought of all the dirty, unclean people, covered in tattoos, doing crystal meth. Those visuals are extremely unappealing. Likewise you will probably never catch me watching Sons Of Anarchy, Walking Dead, Justified, or even Duck Dynasty. Someone has a beaver in their sink? A dead and bleeding one? No ma'am Pam. I don't care how much they love each other or how much they thank Jesus for the opossum they are about to receive from His bounty.
That said, I was turned on to this clip of Aaron Paul, who is in Breaking Bad, is real darn cute, and was featured in an episode of The Price Is Right. Lemme just say he's real excited to be there.
That said, I was turned on to this clip of Aaron Paul, who is in Breaking Bad, is real darn cute, and was featured in an episode of The Price Is Right. Lemme just say he's real excited to be there.
I found this clip thanks to one of my favorite podcasts, NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour, which is currently my favorite podcast out there. It's a weekly panel show with four critics specializing in different aspects of pop culture (comics, music, tv, film) and they discuss what's new, what's old, and what's currently making them happy. It's a really light and breezy hour, and after awhile they get to feel like your friends, your really smart, highly informed friends. I couldn't recommend it more.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Batman is Strictly for Boys and "The Wizard of Oz" is Girl's Stuff
Ok. I'm annoyed. My dander is up as they say. I'm feeling some righteous indignation. I'm ready to go on a tear. The topic? The current Wizard of Oz Happy Meal toy at McDonalds. Yeah, it's a relatively small thing on the surface, but really?
Apparently, should you go to the drive through and ask for a Happy Meal, you will then be asked if you want a toy for a boy, or for a girl. If you say it's for a boy, you will get a Batman toy. If you say the toy is for a girl, you will get a Wizard of Oz toy.
Does this piss anyone else off or is it just me? And let me be clear, the Oz toys are not dolls. They don't have little fashionable dresses on, they are little figures with interlocking yellow brick roads. There are three boy figures and three girl figures.
When did McDonald's decide that only girls do or should like The Wizard of Oz? And why should a little boy or girl automatically be presented with one toy or another? It's unnecessarily perpetuating gender conformism and it makes any kid who doesn't automatically conform feel just a wee bit awkward. And don't tell me they won't notice, care, or get the message, because I was one of those kids and I certainly got the message loud and clear when the things I liked didn't conform to standards. And it's not just little girls who like Oz. My cousins Mike and Marc used to watch it over and over. Every day at one point.
And don't think it escapes me that one toy is decidedly more violent than the other (with batman action figures in fighting poses and shooting a "batarang"). Oz has always been a pretty peaceful story about discovering the strength within, and I wonder why this has to be judged as a feminine trait. Is it just because the hero is a girl? Because there are plenty of men in the story as well. And who's to say a boy can't relate to Dorothy's search for self? All I'm really asking is that the employees change their wording and ask customers if they want a Wizard of Oz toy, or a Batman toy. Done and done.
Of course, I made a complaint, and if you'd like to do that as well, or you think I'm just a melodramatic guy with too much time on my hands, feel free to check out the current campaign.
Apparently, should you go to the drive through and ask for a Happy Meal, you will then be asked if you want a toy for a boy, or for a girl. If you say it's for a boy, you will get a Batman toy. If you say the toy is for a girl, you will get a Wizard of Oz toy.
Does this piss anyone else off or is it just me? And let me be clear, the Oz toys are not dolls. They don't have little fashionable dresses on, they are little figures with interlocking yellow brick roads. There are three boy figures and three girl figures.
When did McDonald's decide that only girls do or should like The Wizard of Oz? And why should a little boy or girl automatically be presented with one toy or another? It's unnecessarily perpetuating gender conformism and it makes any kid who doesn't automatically conform feel just a wee bit awkward. And don't tell me they won't notice, care, or get the message, because I was one of those kids and I certainly got the message loud and clear when the things I liked didn't conform to standards. And it's not just little girls who like Oz. My cousins Mike and Marc used to watch it over and over. Every day at one point.
And don't think it escapes me that one toy is decidedly more violent than the other (with batman action figures in fighting poses and shooting a "batarang"). Oz has always been a pretty peaceful story about discovering the strength within, and I wonder why this has to be judged as a feminine trait. Is it just because the hero is a girl? Because there are plenty of men in the story as well. And who's to say a boy can't relate to Dorothy's search for self? All I'm really asking is that the employees change their wording and ask customers if they want a Wizard of Oz toy, or a Batman toy. Done and done.
Of course, I made a complaint, and if you'd like to do that as well, or you think I'm just a melodramatic guy with too much time on my hands, feel free to check out the current campaign.
Joe's 10 Handy Helpful Hints for On-line Dating!
Most of you who know me, know that I am an online dater, and that I've met a few people on line, a couple of whom I've dated for awhile. It's worked for me. And yet, if I'm honest with myself, it's with a touch of shame that I admit this in a public forum, because there's still the stigma that those who are attractive and worthy do not have to resort to this way of meeting men.
For those few of you who are still afraid to do this, let me dispel your fears (let me also clarify that this post is geared primarily toward gay men. I think women should open their minds to on-line dating as well, but there is admittedly a whole side of that experience that I wouldn't even pretend to know about).
You know that as a gay man it's not that easy to meet people out in the world, because you can't assume the man looking at you for a prolonged amount of time at the Half Priced Book Store is gay. And should you make the guess that he might be, there is a shitload of risk in that guess. Maybe lots of other gays are out there meeting each other in the grocery store, the book store, at the taco stand...not me. I've met a few at the gay bars, I WILL say that there's nothing more exciting than spotting someone adorable in public, striking up a conversation with them, and feeling the jolt as the two of you inch closer and closer, getting high off of each other's body heat, and then you feel his hand casually graze your arm a couple of times. I'm not saying don't keep putting yourself out there in the social world, but I am saying it wouldn't hurt to broaden your online horizons. And besides...
Everybody's doing it. It's very prominent, and not just for quick hook-ups. I know at least ten guys off the top of my head who are online, and most of them are wonderful, charming, very attractive guys. This is a technological world we live in, this is the wave of the future. If it helps you to think of it as Amazon.com for sex and relationships, do it. And once you've decided to do it, you can follow these helpful handy tips! Get ready for them...
1. Take the time to create a full profile, and do yourself the favor of having a friend that you trust check it out. They might have thoughts about you that will help sell you as the unique and delightful soul that you are, they'll keep you honest, and keep you from embarrassing yourself.
2. Once that's done, stay active on the site. Do this consistently. It will keep you visible, and visibility is key. Visit lots of profiles, rate profiles, message folks, take the silly personality quizzes, update your profile frequently (even subtle changes) and do it regularly, at least once a week. Get your face out there. You'll be surprised how shy even the cutest people can be, and if you take the initiative you'll be pleased by how many opportunities you'll get. In online dating, as in life, you get out what you put in.
3. Answer lots of the "preference questions" and be honest. It's the only way to keep your match percentage accurate. You want to be open, but not too open. And if the way your mate answers the question is important, admit that. For example, if someone thinks being overweight is a deal breaker for them? Then that's a deal breaker for me. I have too many insecurities over that shit myself to have their possible acceptance of my weight on my mind. And who wants to date a fattist anyway?
4. Post lots of pictures. And date them. The main reason people won't contact you is because they worry that when they meet you, you will not measure up to your photos. Nip that shit in the bud by putting up lots of different photos of yourself, photos notated with the dates taken so they won't have to wonder if that cute little pic of you is from 1998. This picture things is my biggest worry. I've got lots of pictures up of me, but they're cute ones and my biggest fear is that I'm projecting a false image. I mean you don't want to put up unattractive photos of yourself, but neither do you want every shot to be "print worthy". It's about balance.
5. Be positive in your profile. Everyone hates writing those fucking profiles, and everyone also hates READING about how you hate writing those things. Neither do we want to see a long list of things you are not looking for in a mate. That will be apparent in the other parts of your profile, and the last thing someone needs is a reason not to message you. You should be putting out reasons they should. Now let's say you are really not into short guys and are determined to put that out there, at least frame it in a positive way (but be aware that that really cute, mildly insecure about his height 5'10 guy might not message you).
6. Be honest. It would really suck if you created a self profile that you think is going to appeal to everyone and don't allow the guy looking exactly for who you are to find you. Let your freak flag fly bitches! I used to lie about my age, shave off five years, and no one knew. But it eventually had to come out anyway, and aside from that it made me feel bad to be doing it. Plus, I may have gotten more people to visit and message me, but they weren't likely the people who were going to be happy with me in the long run.
7. Keep an open mind. Not everyone photographs well. Some older guys are still fit and eligible, some younger ones are independent and mature. Look outside of your list of must haves. I've met some people who I thought were really hot and low and behold they were, but ten minutes with them felt like an eternity. Equally, there was a guy that messaged me who I thought would be gangly and awkward and he turned out to be charming, romantic and beyond cute.
8. If someone messages you, and you are interested, respond with a question pulled from the info you gather from their profile. "Hey, how's your week been going?" is not in the least bit enticing. Give them a reason to write back, take some of the pressure off, and let them know that you cared enough to find out about them, which encourages them to do the same for you.
9. For your first date, meet in a coffee shop, or a bar with food. This way you can start with drinks and if it's going well you can extend it by making it dinner or lunch.
10. Don't sleep with them on the first date. If you want anything that has a hope of lasting, do not do it. I wouldn't even have them back to your place or head over to theirs. And no, lengthy phone conversations do not add up to date one. Ever. I would highly recommend saving these kinds of visits for date four, when you know each other, like each other, and have spent some time exploring each other's mental and emotional lives. Because once you start exploring the physical, it's easy to stop exploring everything else.
For those few of you who are still afraid to do this, let me dispel your fears (let me also clarify that this post is geared primarily toward gay men. I think women should open their minds to on-line dating as well, but there is admittedly a whole side of that experience that I wouldn't even pretend to know about).
You know that as a gay man it's not that easy to meet people out in the world, because you can't assume the man looking at you for a prolonged amount of time at the Half Priced Book Store is gay. And should you make the guess that he might be, there is a shitload of risk in that guess. Maybe lots of other gays are out there meeting each other in the grocery store, the book store, at the taco stand...not me. I've met a few at the gay bars, I WILL say that there's nothing more exciting than spotting someone adorable in public, striking up a conversation with them, and feeling the jolt as the two of you inch closer and closer, getting high off of each other's body heat, and then you feel his hand casually graze your arm a couple of times. I'm not saying don't keep putting yourself out there in the social world, but I am saying it wouldn't hurt to broaden your online horizons. And besides...
Everybody's doing it. It's very prominent, and not just for quick hook-ups. I know at least ten guys off the top of my head who are online, and most of them are wonderful, charming, very attractive guys. This is a technological world we live in, this is the wave of the future. If it helps you to think of it as Amazon.com for sex and relationships, do it. And once you've decided to do it, you can follow these helpful handy tips! Get ready for them...
My Helpful Handy Tips for Successful On-line Dating
1. Take the time to create a full profile, and do yourself the favor of having a friend that you trust check it out. They might have thoughts about you that will help sell you as the unique and delightful soul that you are, they'll keep you honest, and keep you from embarrassing yourself.
2. Once that's done, stay active on the site. Do this consistently. It will keep you visible, and visibility is key. Visit lots of profiles, rate profiles, message folks, take the silly personality quizzes, update your profile frequently (even subtle changes) and do it regularly, at least once a week. Get your face out there. You'll be surprised how shy even the cutest people can be, and if you take the initiative you'll be pleased by how many opportunities you'll get. In online dating, as in life, you get out what you put in.
3. Answer lots of the "preference questions" and be honest. It's the only way to keep your match percentage accurate. You want to be open, but not too open. And if the way your mate answers the question is important, admit that. For example, if someone thinks being overweight is a deal breaker for them? Then that's a deal breaker for me. I have too many insecurities over that shit myself to have their possible acceptance of my weight on my mind. And who wants to date a fattist anyway?
4. Post lots of pictures. And date them. The main reason people won't contact you is because they worry that when they meet you, you will not measure up to your photos. Nip that shit in the bud by putting up lots of different photos of yourself, photos notated with the dates taken so they won't have to wonder if that cute little pic of you is from 1998. This picture things is my biggest worry. I've got lots of pictures up of me, but they're cute ones and my biggest fear is that I'm projecting a false image. I mean you don't want to put up unattractive photos of yourself, but neither do you want every shot to be "print worthy". It's about balance.
5. Be positive in your profile. Everyone hates writing those fucking profiles, and everyone also hates READING about how you hate writing those things. Neither do we want to see a long list of things you are not looking for in a mate. That will be apparent in the other parts of your profile, and the last thing someone needs is a reason not to message you. You should be putting out reasons they should. Now let's say you are really not into short guys and are determined to put that out there, at least frame it in a positive way (but be aware that that really cute, mildly insecure about his height 5'10 guy might not message you).
6. Be honest. It would really suck if you created a self profile that you think is going to appeal to everyone and don't allow the guy looking exactly for who you are to find you. Let your freak flag fly bitches! I used to lie about my age, shave off five years, and no one knew. But it eventually had to come out anyway, and aside from that it made me feel bad to be doing it. Plus, I may have gotten more people to visit and message me, but they weren't likely the people who were going to be happy with me in the long run.
7. Keep an open mind. Not everyone photographs well. Some older guys are still fit and eligible, some younger ones are independent and mature. Look outside of your list of must haves. I've met some people who I thought were really hot and low and behold they were, but ten minutes with them felt like an eternity. Equally, there was a guy that messaged me who I thought would be gangly and awkward and he turned out to be charming, romantic and beyond cute.
8. If someone messages you, and you are interested, respond with a question pulled from the info you gather from their profile. "Hey, how's your week been going?" is not in the least bit enticing. Give them a reason to write back, take some of the pressure off, and let them know that you cared enough to find out about them, which encourages them to do the same for you.
9. For your first date, meet in a coffee shop, or a bar with food. This way you can start with drinks and if it's going well you can extend it by making it dinner or lunch.
10. Don't sleep with them on the first date. If you want anything that has a hope of lasting, do not do it. I wouldn't even have them back to your place or head over to theirs. And no, lengthy phone conversations do not add up to date one. Ever. I would highly recommend saving these kinds of visits for date four, when you know each other, like each other, and have spent some time exploring each other's mental and emotional lives. Because once you start exploring the physical, it's easy to stop exploring everything else.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Voice Memo Ineptitude
I tried it a couple of times, but spent so much time fooling around with the thing and stalling the rehearsal process for everyone else that I finally just said "screw you voice memo" and have gone back to lugging my REALLY old school battery powered portable tape recorder around. At least I know how to use it.
This incompetence has brought some unexpected delights, though. Apparently when you synch your phone to your computer, all your voice memos go to your I-tunes in a playlist called "voice memos" and in my case I discovered long forgotten three year old recordings, some of which were intentional and mostly comprised of snippets of harmonies I was trying to learn. A few of them were completely unintentional and included a 30 minute recording of me getting a haircut three years ago as I awkwardly attempted small talk, as well as a 15 second clip of an obviously tipsy conversation I was having with a friend in a bar.
If, by chance you are as inept with your voice memo device as I am, you may have some sweet discoveries in store, so I highly recommend checking this playlist out for forgotten treats (and just try to ignore how horrible your voice sounds magnified on it).
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Voices
I got notice a couple of days ago that my screenplay was not chosen as a semi-finalist for the Austin Film Festival. Bummer? Yes. But the first rejection notice was hardest to take, when my dreams of a personal handwritten letter arriving in the mail declaring my brilliance and hutzpah and handing over a fat and lovely check were dashed. Anything now, is just another voice saying "no thanks". No big deal. And after all, they did weed out from 8,600 submissions down to 80, so I can't feel too awful. In my heart, I feel this story and this script is good. And after some time, I'll take another look at it, tighten it up a little and make some changes, but in the meantime? I feel good. And there are other competitions to which the script is currently submitted, so there's always hope.
I got some good news today, and I'm pretty excited about it I have to say. Not ready to discuss it yet, but when I am you will be one of the many to know.
I refilled my meds yesterday, after having gone without for awhile. I was concerned about the cost and so I let fear eat away, and a month go by, and what a mistake it was, because when I did some investigating, it was so much cheaper than I could have imagined, and so worth it if it means keeping my emotions a little more in perspective and has me asking myself, "what was all the worry for?"
I worry a lot. Admittedly. I think we all do to one degree or another. Give us a mystery like "why hasn't he called today?" or why haven't I heard back from that job" and we will fill it in with the most negative story. We can do it about our futures too, at least I do, or have in the past. Something happens, something that leads to a question or concern I can't answer myself and it's tempting to fill myself up with thoughts of "what if". Not happy little inspirational "what ifs", but why even bother trying type of "what ifs". "Why bother checking into it as it's gonna cost to get that taken care of because you probably can't afford it?" "Why bother auditioning for this part, because you know the usual suspects will be at the audition and will probably get it before you, and you're not exactly what the character breakdown calls for?" "Why bother submitting for this job because it probably doesn't pay what you are needing..." the list goes on. Truth is, what does it hurt to check it out? Really, what's the emotional risk if I do, and what's the real risk if I don't? I almost always realize after the fact that I was worried about nothing, and when I had cause to worry? When things didn't turn out just like I wanted them to?
Carolyn Myss, author of one of my favorite books Sacred Contracts says that if we feel that pull, that inner tug toward something, we need to really evaluate and think before we ignore it. Because that pull is God energy. And the outcome? Maybe it's not that you're supposed to get the job, but that you are supposed to make a connection on the way, keep a metaphysical appointment to affect a life, have an epiphany that will be triggered by the following of these voices. And besides, all this worry can just lead to self fulfilling prophecies and blow things out of proportion not just in your mind, but in the physical world. So when is worry ever justified?
I sometimes think that fear comes in handy and is productive when I'm prepping for something, like an audition. There are times that fear of failure has driven me to discipline myself, but even then it is very tricky and takes a lot of balancing to make sure that I'm managing the worry and the worry isn't managing me, throwing me into the panic mode wherein I decide it will never be good enough and I shouldn't even bother.
Worry can become an addiction. People become entranced with what they see as the virtues of worry. They think that it some how shows people how dedicated they are that they worry so. They think it means that they care more than others. But no one ever seeing you pitch a fit and get upset at yourself as you all work together on a common cause (like a play) is ever going to see you freak out about a missed step or line and think you care more about your craft, the show, the success of the company than they do. That shit doesn't compute. It just doesn't enter their mind. They'll just think you're crazy.
Best to avoid worry altogether. And I think it's possible. It's not easy at first. It takes a lot of muscle work and determination, and presence of mind until it can become a habit, ingrained. But every time I do it well it gives me more confidence that I can do it again in the future, and listen to the voice pulling me to say the proverbial "yes", and take a step in that direction.
I got some good news today, and I'm pretty excited about it I have to say. Not ready to discuss it yet, but when I am you will be one of the many to know.
I refilled my meds yesterday, after having gone without for awhile. I was concerned about the cost and so I let fear eat away, and a month go by, and what a mistake it was, because when I did some investigating, it was so much cheaper than I could have imagined, and so worth it if it means keeping my emotions a little more in perspective and has me asking myself, "what was all the worry for?"
I worry a lot. Admittedly. I think we all do to one degree or another. Give us a mystery like "why hasn't he called today?" or why haven't I heard back from that job" and we will fill it in with the most negative story. We can do it about our futures too, at least I do, or have in the past. Something happens, something that leads to a question or concern I can't answer myself and it's tempting to fill myself up with thoughts of "what if". Not happy little inspirational "what ifs", but why even bother trying type of "what ifs". "Why bother checking into it as it's gonna cost to get that taken care of because you probably can't afford it?" "Why bother auditioning for this part, because you know the usual suspects will be at the audition and will probably get it before you, and you're not exactly what the character breakdown calls for?" "Why bother submitting for this job because it probably doesn't pay what you are needing..." the list goes on. Truth is, what does it hurt to check it out? Really, what's the emotional risk if I do, and what's the real risk if I don't? I almost always realize after the fact that I was worried about nothing, and when I had cause to worry? When things didn't turn out just like I wanted them to?
Carolyn Myss, author of one of my favorite books Sacred Contracts says that if we feel that pull, that inner tug toward something, we need to really evaluate and think before we ignore it. Because that pull is God energy. And the outcome? Maybe it's not that you're supposed to get the job, but that you are supposed to make a connection on the way, keep a metaphysical appointment to affect a life, have an epiphany that will be triggered by the following of these voices. And besides, all this worry can just lead to self fulfilling prophecies and blow things out of proportion not just in your mind, but in the physical world. So when is worry ever justified?
I sometimes think that fear comes in handy and is productive when I'm prepping for something, like an audition. There are times that fear of failure has driven me to discipline myself, but even then it is very tricky and takes a lot of balancing to make sure that I'm managing the worry and the worry isn't managing me, throwing me into the panic mode wherein I decide it will never be good enough and I shouldn't even bother.
Worry can become an addiction. People become entranced with what they see as the virtues of worry. They think that it some how shows people how dedicated they are that they worry so. They think it means that they care more than others. But no one ever seeing you pitch a fit and get upset at yourself as you all work together on a common cause (like a play) is ever going to see you freak out about a missed step or line and think you care more about your craft, the show, the success of the company than they do. That shit doesn't compute. It just doesn't enter their mind. They'll just think you're crazy.
Best to avoid worry altogether. And I think it's possible. It's not easy at first. It takes a lot of muscle work and determination, and presence of mind until it can become a habit, ingrained. But every time I do it well it gives me more confidence that I can do it again in the future, and listen to the voice pulling me to say the proverbial "yes", and take a step in that direction.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
"Follies of God" is a Treasure Trove
One of the blogs I love exploring periodically is Follies of God by James Grissom. It's a kind of scrapbook of journals, interviews and artist profiles compiled during Grissom's writing of his upcoming book on Tennessee Williams. There's a bounty of information here, and it's not only for fans of Tennessee Williams, but for anyone interested in the craft of acting, the creative process and those who participate. Williams is one of those artists that leads to a slew of other brilliant artists because his career, his writing, and his life spanned a large swath of theatre history and personalities.
Grissom conducted some wonderful interviews with Williams in which he expounds on his love of certain actor's and artists like Jessica Tandy, Marlon Brando, Liza Minnelli, Faye Dunaway, Paul Newman, Elia Kazaan and Marilyn Monroe. However, he also conducted numerous interviews with the artists themselves, not just about Williams, but about what it means to be an actor, writer, dreamer, what it's like to struggle with the process, to doubt and to press on. It's simply inspirational.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Dream Talk
I dreamt of a fox last night. A legitimate, came in from the woods to meet me fox, more or less.
Upon thinking about it, I realize that I've had foxes on the brain in one way or another for a few months. There was a the grey fox I glimpsed as he ducked into the woods. There was the fox that had crept into an English home through the cat door and into the bed of the man of the house, startling him when he woke and found his wife wasn't there, there was the conversation about Gene Wilder as the fox in the film version of The Little Prince, and there was the fox in my dreams.
I was visiting a friend, sitting on his or her (I can't remember) couch while he/she was fussing about in the bathroom. The only light in the room was that coming from the bathroom's cracked door. I'd never been to this friend's home before so I was sitting rather alertly, watching a couple of his cats wander around the living room, kings of their domain. And then, amongst them, not sure how I'd missed it, there was a fox. It leapt onto the sofa without my calling it, and looked alternatively into my eyes and slightly to the left of me, as if expecting something.
I was afraid to touch him, because he was not the well groomed, ginger colored dandy of a fox from children's books and old issues of Ranger Rick, but larger, greyer, unkempt, slightly dangerous looking. Not dangerous as in deceitful or malicious (the dream dictionary I consulted suggested that foxes in dreams represent deceit in your midst and if you kill the fox you believe you can overcome the danger. All this leads me to the already forming conclusion that dream dictionaries are mostly bullshit) but dangerous in a way that he was aware that the step he'd taken was risky, and if it proved unwise he might snap at me. I got over my fears enough to reach out and pet him, which he allowed, and smooth out the mats in his fur. That's really all I remember.
There are other pieces of dreams I remember from last night, which may have been connected to the same dream, or completely separate. Apparently my mind was busy last night.
There's the dream I had in which I found out that a dear friend of mine was in town working on a show, and had neglected to tell me. My mind and heart struggled with the desire to reach out to her at the same time that I was miffed by her not seeking me out. I knew she hadn't meant to hurt my feelings, but the thought that I hadn't even entered her mind was hurtful nonetheless.
There's also the dream in which I happened on a pornographic video of one of my exes. He'd been a very sweet, incredibly smart psychology student, a poet, handsome with strong features, thick brown hair, and a gregarious nature. What I saw in the video was some wild man in an oatmeal colored sweater with a thick, matted beard getting ready to engage in a random encounter, which I didn't watch. It made me sad. It made me wonder what had happened to the open hearted idealistic guy I had known. Had he changed, or had he only ever existed in my head? Which truth was worse? But I wasn't just sad about that, but sad because he was obviously living a life without me, even if it wasn't the kind of life I wanted myself or would have chosen for him.
I'm sure there's a way in which these bits and pieces twine together to say something about the churning thoughts in my subconscious at this particular time, but I can only grasp at straws right now as to what that way is.
Upon thinking about it, I realize that I've had foxes on the brain in one way or another for a few months. There was a the grey fox I glimpsed as he ducked into the woods. There was the fox that had crept into an English home through the cat door and into the bed of the man of the house, startling him when he woke and found his wife wasn't there, there was the conversation about Gene Wilder as the fox in the film version of The Little Prince, and there was the fox in my dreams.
I was visiting a friend, sitting on his or her (I can't remember) couch while he/she was fussing about in the bathroom. The only light in the room was that coming from the bathroom's cracked door. I'd never been to this friend's home before so I was sitting rather alertly, watching a couple of his cats wander around the living room, kings of their domain. And then, amongst them, not sure how I'd missed it, there was a fox. It leapt onto the sofa without my calling it, and looked alternatively into my eyes and slightly to the left of me, as if expecting something. I was afraid to touch him, because he was not the well groomed, ginger colored dandy of a fox from children's books and old issues of Ranger Rick, but larger, greyer, unkempt, slightly dangerous looking. Not dangerous as in deceitful or malicious (the dream dictionary I consulted suggested that foxes in dreams represent deceit in your midst and if you kill the fox you believe you can overcome the danger. All this leads me to the already forming conclusion that dream dictionaries are mostly bullshit) but dangerous in a way that he was aware that the step he'd taken was risky, and if it proved unwise he might snap at me. I got over my fears enough to reach out and pet him, which he allowed, and smooth out the mats in his fur. That's really all I remember.
There are other pieces of dreams I remember from last night, which may have been connected to the same dream, or completely separate. Apparently my mind was busy last night.
There's the dream I had in which I found out that a dear friend of mine was in town working on a show, and had neglected to tell me. My mind and heart struggled with the desire to reach out to her at the same time that I was miffed by her not seeking me out. I knew she hadn't meant to hurt my feelings, but the thought that I hadn't even entered her mind was hurtful nonetheless.
There's also the dream in which I happened on a pornographic video of one of my exes. He'd been a very sweet, incredibly smart psychology student, a poet, handsome with strong features, thick brown hair, and a gregarious nature. What I saw in the video was some wild man in an oatmeal colored sweater with a thick, matted beard getting ready to engage in a random encounter, which I didn't watch. It made me sad. It made me wonder what had happened to the open hearted idealistic guy I had known. Had he changed, or had he only ever existed in my head? Which truth was worse? But I wasn't just sad about that, but sad because he was obviously living a life without me, even if it wasn't the kind of life I wanted myself or would have chosen for him.
I'm sure there's a way in which these bits and pieces twine together to say something about the churning thoughts in my subconscious at this particular time, but I can only grasp at straws right now as to what that way is.
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