Summer's Eve...

It's a balmy summer evening in Brooklyn, just past eleven, and it seemed like a nice time to jot down some thoughts, so I washed the dishes, made myself a nightcap (oh yes I did) and put on summer music.  To me, summer music can be languid like the Flamingos doo-wop cover of I Only Have Eyes For You, or it could be anything by Astrud Gilberto, that music seems meant for summer, or even big band hits and toss in some Jeff Buckley.  Truth be told, I'm not sure what exactly defines summer music, but I know it when I hear it.

It's strange how malleable our emotions are, or does it speak to the power of music, that a certain song can come on and it makes me feel a very particular way?  I don't mean "that song that he and I listened to when we" fill in the blank.  I just mean the way certain songs can make you joyful or whimsical or melancholy.  Right now, I'm missing my friends... Mark, Meg, Julie... my folks, my little dog...and I know I'll see them again, but I sure do wish they could all be with me here now.  Of course, now I get to be with my friends Kirk and Heather, and Leslie, and Melissa and Kathleen, and I couldn't be more grateful.  Every decision has a trade off I suppose.  The trade I've made is so I can be close to opportunity and creativity, and the energy that this town has.

It's funny, but it doesn't feel at all like Los Angeles.  In LA I would hide what I did for a living.  I would never tell anyone that I was in a show or that I sang, or what have you.  And every time I heard someone talking about their new head shots my stomach would churn and Id become a caustically bitter bitch.  I guess, in LA, it was just so easy to say your were performer.  Anyone could get head shots and dream of fame and fortune or reality tv stardom.  But the theatre?  You ain't doing it for the money, that's for sure.  So if you are doing it, you must really love and be devoted to it.  At least that's the way it feels.  So when I hear someone talking about their auditions as I'm typing away on my computer at a coffee shop, or planning an indie music video, it feeds me.  Makes me feel a part of a community in a way that LA never did.

Another thing about New York.  I know an agent helps.  But it's not required that you have one to get into an auction.  I couldn't even get seen in LA.  Everything I got was because of who I knew, my friends who trusted me and knew that I would deliver something.  I was really grateful for those times, but of course it's nice to win a job from a stranger, and what they see right in front of them in the moment.

Tomorrow I'm seeing Charles Busch at 54 Below in his cabaret show That Boy/That Girl.  Admittedly, there was a moment when I thought I wouldn't go, as money is something I need to keep track of, but... Mr. Busch has written some amazing things in his lifetime.  Psycho Beach Party, Die Mommie Die!, Vampire Lesbians of Sodom, among others.  And his approach to drag is the kind I appreciate and understand.  Yes, it's about looking good, but there's something under the surface... he brings an intelligence to drag, a devotion to the great ladies, that really resonates, and he channels that spirit and glamour like no one else.  It's an incredible talent.  And when someone like that, someone I identify with and take inspiration from, is performing a cabaret show, it's a good moment to not only listen and enjoy, but to learn.  So I'll give you an update tomorrow or the next day for sure.