Creating A Vacuum: A Week of Reading/Media Deprivation

Julia Cameron was the preeminent guru of creativity in the late nineties and early 2000s. Her book "The Artist's Way" held a promise that anyone could be creative, whether or not they had any held aspirations toward the concept of "art" as the current society had come to understand it. It broke down barriers, and allowed masses of people to find a way toward creativity, whether it was finding art in cooking, gardening, journaling, or in the more traditional forms of painting, acting, and writing for a wider audience than the self.

I have both taken the 12 week journey, which is very purposefully aligned with the structure of the AA program (in that it also is a twelve week program relying on accountability, faith, and easily trackable "steps") and taught it. And while the program traded a lot of its integrity in order to remain relevant and profitable through the creation of unnecessary merchandise and sequels, at the heart of it is a truly wonderful idea at work, with truly useful tools.

Now many of you may be aware that I recently found myself without the steady work that I had counted on for the past two years to sustain me in this city. This was both unsettling, and honestly, refreshing. It is allowing myself to rethink what I want, what I came to New York to seek, and to explore other possibilities to sustain myself financially that do not make me feel as if I am sacrificing the very thing I came out here to do. And yet? With all the time I suddenly and on my hands, I noticed it slipping away. It seemed that I was not much further in my pursuits than I had been. I'm sure you can all relate. With so many projects (find a day-job, find acting representation, build my visibility on-line, build Cathy's audience and opportunities for her to reach them, continue developing her material- character-message and world, write essays that might find an online audience, write the novel that's been percolating in my head for the past year, create a voice-over demo, take steps to get closer to feeling financially grounded for my future) it can feel like one step toward any of these projects doesn't really get you far in the long run. Commit to just one? Great! But how focused is that "one thing"? Is it my art? Is it Cathy Dresden? Is it writing? And if I pick one to the exclusion of others... I mean, I have worked too hard this past year and half to just let Cathy go. And everyone knows that success demands persistence. And while I understand that feeling that I have promise in many avenues is a terrific plus, it also leaves me somewhat unmoored and stymied.

So I'm taking steps. Baby steps. On Sunday, having noticed my lack of time to create, I took a hard look at myself and realized that I was spending way too much time in front of the television. The unsettling feelings I mentioned made it very tempting to escape into other world's with charismatic heroes and heroines. By watching them face their problems I was able to feel a sense of accomplishment without any of the inner turmoil of faces my much smaller hills. Add to that, the seemingly innocuous pleasures of matching up little digital icons of cherished Disney characters to receive the pleasures of points accrued and "treasures" won, and I had a pretty good idea of where much of that time was being spent. So step one? I took a page out of Julia Cameron's book (you were probably wondering how it tied in) and committed to a week of "Media Deprivation".  What exactly is "Media Deprivation" you ask? For those who would like to try this on their own, I will tell you.

Media Deprivation, which was originally titled "Reading Deprivation" is intended to be a time to free yourself from some of the many voices in your head that keep you from finding your own. The things you eliminate? Any kind of reading. Any television. Eliminate time on social media. ALL OF IT. You have to read for your job? Find ways not to. Or find ways to eliminate as much as you can, because once you have silenced everyone else's messaging which unbeknownst to you has constantly been thrumming in the corners of your mind, it creates room in your mind to be filled with your own ideas, your own messages, and it allows time in your day to put them out there, or to achieve all of the other life improving tasks that have always been pushed off to another time. And while you are spending your evening emptying the closet of old clothes you haven't looked at since 2012? Without words rattling in the background, you will likely find yourself paying attention to the feelings evoked by the process of letting go, rather than idly listening to someone yammer on about the current social gaffe that the news media is spinning in a communal tizzy over. Much better to take some time and focus on steps to improve your current situation, or even more fully enjoy it by being present in it. Now this is scary shit. Understood. There is a reason we find things to fill our time. This kind of confrontation can be an uncomfortable process, but it's end goal is relief. And the more you find yourself sticking to the process, the more you are likely to get out of it.

All of that said, there are some optional releases from the vacuum. Cameron allows for the possibility of going to the movies to see a revival of an old gem, and yet, if you habitually use movie going as a way to unplug? I would be conscious of that and act accordingly.  Can you listen to music? Yes. But if you really want the full experience, I suggest you don't. Yes, if you usually have the radio on during your commute, or listen to audio books, this leaves you with a seemingly endless amount of time with yourself. What will you do instead? Pray, possibly. Call an old friend. Center yourself and set your intention for the day. Observe the world around you. These are things that so many of us would love to do, but forget to do because we never feel like we have the time. Well here it is. Like a gift.

Me? I'm not doing this as part of the greater program, and have used this tool a few times before, so I am doing a variation. No television, and no video games. I will still read. I will still listen to radio shows and podcasts, and I will still occasionally wander into social media land, as a lot what I am wanting to do in the vacuum requires working online and engaging with the virtual community. Does that mean I will have to be extra vigilant? Yes. It also means I will have a little less time to fill, so I'll have to be very aware of ho I use the time online to ensure I am not randomly wandering to sites in order to avoid tasks I have set for myself. And my results may be a little less revelational than those being really hardcore. And yet, Julia Cameron also speaks about how important it is to do this in any form, and if sticking to the letter of the process as originally intended means you won't even attempt it? Do it in a way that you can.

So far I have done a lot of job searching, a blog post (which you are currently reading) and begun ruminating about a possible creative project for the future. Hopefully by the end of Saturday I will have many more achievements to report.

If you'd like to join me? Have questions? Concerns? Have done this in the past and disagree with things I have said? Please feel free to comment below, and I'll respond. I'd love to hear from you.

Cathy Dresden is a "Midtown Moment"

 Was excited to be a "Midtown Moment" with the incredibly charismatic Carolyn Fox, discussing the upcoming March 24th performance of Cathy Dresden: An Old Fashioned Girl at Pangea in the East Village. Tickets available here https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/3339050

I'm Gonna Live...

I'm trying to be pretty selective about which clips I post from the new show, in order to maintain many of the surprises and keep the new numbers fresh for the audience members. However, I don't think it spoils too much to show this clip from the July 12th show at The Metropolitan Room.  It's a personal favorite of mine.

Catching Up

It's admittedly been a long time between blog posts.  I knew this.  I was well aware that I had been neglecting what had been a place for introspection, observation, and some good old fashioned blabbering. I did not realize it had been four months.  And I had been missing it, had been wanting to creep back in, quietly, as if I'd never left.  But as life got busier, this little spot was visited less and less.  And I have to admit, it sometimes feels like I am writing for an audience of two, but with none of the true freedom that comes from a small audience, because if you say the wrong thing, you can bet it will somehow get out there, and what had seemed witty or sharp in the moment of writing, would crystallize into its shameful true form, locked in for whatever eternity the web can hold.

Since I posted last, I have created my cabaret show Cathy Dresden: An Old Fashioned Girl, which debuted at The Metropolitan Room in July, and which I am now in the midst of finding a second date for.  The show was, by all accounts, pretty successful, and the audiences did pack the Metropolitan, which was a welcome relief.

There are so many decisions to make when you are creating something like this, choosing a date, a director, a costume designer or at least someone to assist with alterations, an accompanist, coming up with a concept, choosing the songs, structuring the evening, writing transitional material/patter and monologues as well as comedic bits and jokes. And so much more. I have always had a bit of a hard time making decisions, tending to agonize over each one before finally pushing the metaphorical "go" button, and now, here I am doing it again. Luckily, the first time, everything came together, as it always seems to.  I had an immense amount of support, a terrific producer in Joseph Macchia, an amazing director, Daniel Adams, and an indispensable accompanist/banterer/singer/accordian player in the form of Michael Hicks.

(L-R) Michael Hicks, Cathy, Daniel Adams

I will admit, I worked like a dog on the show for over three months. Every night after work I came home and sat in front of my computer.  But for the first time I understood what people said when they write that if you love what you are doing, it doesn't feel like work.  Te passion seemed to override all the critical voices for just long enough to get the job done.  And then once I (through the combination of fate and of listening to my "gut") chose the right director, he aided in keeping those persistent demons at bay so that we could do the work together, aided by Michael.  I cannot overstate the importance, if you ever decide to go on this journey, of choosing the right companions.  Without them, I don't know if I could have done it.

And now, not wanting to lose the momentum, and let Cathy go back into the trunk, I'm bringing her back.  So, if you were one of those unable to make it to the first show, stay tuned...

Michael and Cathy, July 12th at The Metropolitan Room

Cathy Dresden Returns!!! (Part One)

I'm committing to baby steps.  In life and in art.  I have a theatrical project I'm working on for Christmas of 2015 which will bring back Cathy Dresden after a small absence from the Austin scene.  Who's Cathy Dresden?  Glad you asked.

She's a plucky chanteuse/homemaker from 1958 who got her big break on "Steve Polanko's Amateur Hour of Power".  She placed third in the televised competition, and it was enough for her to throw off her apron, put down her dish gloves and  start singing full-time.  She bid adieu to the South, and her refrigerator repairman husband, and trucked on out to Los Angeles. 

I introduced her story in my one-man show "Overwhelming Underdogs", produced in 2007, which charted the ups and downs of her Butter Churn Tour of the Midwest. Since that show I've brought her out for appearances at benefits and fund raisers, including one for the Rude Mechanicals.  I've since gotten a lot of requests to bring her back and some offers of assistance should I ever decide to do so.  I always knew I wasn't finished with her, but I had a few ideas fighting it out for which one would be first to be produced.  The winner?

A show with the working title "Cathy Dresden's Christmas Spectacular". It's a parody/tribute of Holiday specials from the early sixties.  I'm approximately halfway through.  I've got an outline I'm pretty pleased with, and the first thirty pages has gotten to a pretty polished state.  Of course, depending on how it goes with the actual execution of the outline, things will have to change, be rearranged, etc.

I will say I think I've learned an important lesson.  Never send your child out into the world half dressed.  I had someone who was interested in looking at the piece for a possible production, and I rushed a draft and sent it.  The response, while perfectly positive, was not the overwhelming rave and clamor that everyone hopes for, and when I looked over what I'd sent out, I analyzed (over analyzed?) why.  The pacing was off, it was a bit repetitive, certain scenes came too early, characters weren't clearly motivated, etc.  In short, on second glance I found my unformed baby to be ugly, ugly, UGLY!!!  And threw a proverbial sheet over it to hide the disgrace from the cruel world.  And yet... I went back and made some cuts, polished some dialogue, re-worked a character, altered one of the songs, and then hit a snag which has kept me stymied.

Up until yesterday I hadn't worked on the piece in a month.  And for those of you thinking there is no rush?  Finding a performance space in Austin can be brutal so the sooner you look the better, and it helps to have a working script to present and sell to possible producers.  I am determined to go through with the piece, as I think it is one with promise.  I've come to realize that there are many, many artists who ran into obstacles on the way to having something produced and the one thing the successful ones have in common?  They blazed through them. 

My current assignments in bringing Cathy's show to completion?

1.  Finish the script.
2.  Send it to trusted colleagues for feedback and re-writes.
3.  Re-submit it to the producer.
4.  Continue to introduce Cathy to the Austin area (hosting of events, improv, etc.)
5.  Look into the possibility of self-producing and discuss the idea with artists in the area who have done the same.
6.  Organize an informal reading of the piece so I can make another pass at the script.

So, back to the baby steps.  I've been reading Anne LaMotte's "Bird By Bird", and she stresses the importance of small projects.  Because, add up twenty small assignments in support of a project and you have a pretty big chunk of the job completed.  So right now, I am committing to 15 minutes a day on the script until it's completed.  This commitment may change, but at the moment it's enough to keep me coming back to the desk every day.  Because the muse will not show up out of the blue.  I've discovered the only way to get her there is to make an appointment with her, and assume that she will be late.  Just keep plugging along til she arrives, and she almost always will.

One challenge I'm facing in the script writing process-  Cathy's on again off again fiancé Jerome Tolliver.  He's her charming, sexually ambiguous accompanist and up until this point he's been performed beautifully by Dustin Struhall who is, as of this moment heading off to Edinburgh.  I am really excited for him, but not sure what to do about Jerome.  Have someone else play him?  Seems weird.  Trust that I'll find another great pianist who is comfortable acting?  Or...should I write another character?  And if so, should his active role in the piece be toned down to accommodate someone who is not comfortable speaking dialogue onstage?    At this point I am leaving the character as is, being open to the idea that Cathy may have a string of revolving fiancés who's names change as the accompanist does.  And yet, this is not a fully resolved question.  Stay tuned.