Tuff Enough? Hell no.

Fair warning: this is going to be one of those hodge-podgey, poorly thought out, poorly constructed posts in which I basically rant until my fingers get tired.  Please forgive.  And enjoy. 

We started Tech Week last night, and I would like to say for the record, how much I love working in The Long Center.  Is it expensive to rent?  I imagine so.  Are the dressing rooms, monitors, etc. a delight to my mind and soul?  Yes.  Does the bone chilling cold back there thrill my little heart, and do I not give a shit when I hear my friends and fellow actors bitching and moaning about how cold it is?  Yes.  Yes it thrills, and no, I do not give a shit.  Toughen up, you little titty-babies. 

One thing I am not loving, are the mirrors.  The dressing rooms are LOADED UP with mirrors.  Huge mirrors on both sides, a mirror over the dressing room sink... there's no escaping yourself, or pretending you haven't gained 12 pounds in the past year.  There's just taking your own effing advice and sucking it up and swearing to eat better from that moment on.

Weight has been a struggle lately.  Admittedly, it's been a struggle a long time.  It's probably the thing I'm most sensitive about and something I have been dealing with since I was twelve.  Around 30 I started to win the battle and dropped a hundred pounds, but it's something I think about every day of my life.  Sometimes I walk past a mirror and see "Pretty damned cute", even if it is me saying so, and other times I see a bulbous monster that there's no escape from.  Usually I run the treadmill to manage it, but lately a bone spur has kept me from doing that... I finally scheduled a doctor's appointment to handle it, and as soon as the show is over, I will get it taken care of and be back to running and walking a week or two later.  Halleluja.    In the mean time I'll look at that Melissa McCarthy quote in which she talks about accepting yourself for who you are and realizing that you may never be what you consider "thin enough", but that what you are is beautiful.  That may pacify me for about 30 seconds.

Random Advice:  If you ever appear in videos on youtube...do NOT look at the comments.  I made a few videos a couple years ago with "Project Rant" and made the mistake yesterday of checking out a couple of the comments.  If you are an absolutely perfect specimen of male or female and fit perfectly within societies confines and made a youtube video, well then look away because you will find your sweetest thoughts reaffirmed...however, if you are me you might discover that you are even gayer than you knew yourself to be.  You are "shitting unicorns and cumming rainbows" gay, and this is by and large not considered to be a good thing.  And PS: you are too old to be wearing a t-shirt with a cupcake on it.  Touche, youtube commenters.  Touche.

Now, this titty-baby is going to go work out with really big and heavy weights.  Afterwards I will wash up with "Lava" soap, and sit down to a lunch of Sandpaper salad.  Tough enough?  Mayhaps.

Zeus is Coming!

 

My next show, "Zeus in Therapy" opens on August 16th at 8PM and runs for two weekends at The Long Center.  I play one of the eight facets of Zeus portrayed in a pretty daring and original new show which dramatizes a group of thirty six poems by Douglas Stott Parker that look at the persona of Zeus, and all his travails, in a modern context.  The piece also utilizes the elements of  music, dance, animation, and some pretty beautiful artwork.  It will doubtless be a unique theatre experience for the audience and I'm proud of all the work and energy that everyone's put into bringing this piece to fruition.  For ticket info and performance time, please check out the Long Center website, and if all that doesn't make you want to come, then how about this photo by Daniel Brock, of me in my Zeusly form?

 

When you come, I cannot promise I will look this intense or that my eyes will be quite this blue, but it should be a good time for all.  We have sold quite a few tickets already, so I would recommend being proactive and getting your reservations now. 

ALSO-  check out Tutto Theatre on Facebook to see all the other character portraits taken.

 



My Crush

My latest crush arrived in the mail, or rather, his picture appeared on an envelope that I received at work, and he's just about perfect.  Strong, dazzling white smile, bulging biceps, and handy around the house.  I don't even know his first name.  I just know him as the Anchor Ventana man.  And yeah, I know it's creepy as hell to have a crush on a drawing, but I just can't help myself.  See if you agree...

Brand New Day

 

Well, the big chunk of time I thought I was going to have to work and write and laugh and live, vanished rather quickly.  I moved, started a nine to five, started the writing workshop and began intense rehearsals for the upcoming "Zeus in Therapy" debuting at the Long Center in mid-August.  All of this has made it a little difficult to get back to the blog, but never fear!  I have not forgotten you. 
All of this activity has left me longing for a recharge, and as I've been listening to "The Wiz" soundtrack a lot lately, I thought I'd share my recharging song with you.  Incidentally, if you've never hear the Broadway soundtrack I highly recommend it (but do try to avoid the movie version, or at least don't look at the woefully miscast Diana Ross as some jittery neurotic "20"-something who's afraid to go out into the world).  It is the movie version of the song I'm sharing, but luckily, Miss Ross' appearance is minimal.  Enjoy!   

Update

My little world's been in a bit of upheaval as of late, as I'm getting ready for a move, looking for a new job, getting ready to open a show, and starting a new writing project. 

The final part is very exciting to me, as I discovered this online workshop through Scriptworks, (a terrific support group for Texas writers) at the perfect time.  And having just finished one project, I had a bunch of ideas flitting in and out of my head, none of them hanging around long enough for me to grab onto them and make something out of them.  So I'm hoping this five week workshop will inspire me and get a first draft out of me, as is the goal.  It started Friday and I dove right in, am journaling, watching the video links, doing the homework, but am finding myself conflicted over the constraints of the assignment, and their seeming flexibility.  But, in the vein of something I said recently about the merits of sticking with a project or idea to its finish as long as it contains enough "heat", I'm going to go ahead and start the first ten pages of it tonight and see what happens. If it sucks or I can't think of where it's going??  Maybe then I'll reconsider.

In the meantime, I move in 8 days!!!!  I haven't been prepping like I should, have found myself very unmotivated since I was let go from my job (long story, but believe me, pride will force me to elaborate) but I'm so excited about my future roommate and the fun times we will have, so I allowed that to spur me on and I started the packing process.  It's hard to ignore the inevitability of something when the evidence of it is staring you in the face.

That's all for the moment, as I'm racing off to see Man of Steel!

Wisdom From the Sage

I've been scavenging through writing prompt books as of late, to encourage my writing and  wanted to share one I completed recently.  I highly recommend it as it helped me put a lot of things in perspective.

From The Writer's Idea Book:  Prepare a list of interview questions for someone you admire.  No question is inappropriate.  Try to really find out what makes them tick.  Now look at the questions as if someone was asking them to you.  Answer them. 

Here's some of my response to the prompt (heavily edited, believe it or not, to spare you too much boredom and pomposity) with a caveat.  I do not in any way think I am all-knowing and accomplished enough to be answering some of these huge questions, but I do think it's fun, and worthwhile to try.

     (Everything I ever needed to know about life, I learned from this book)

Do you believe things happen for a reason?  That there’s some kind of a plan?

I do, with emphasis on the word "believe".  And I hope they do.  But I could never begin to understand what that reason things happen is.  

Do I believe there is a set plan, and that I’m like a pencil performing a dot-to-dot by rote,  going from one predetermined point to another?  No, I think life's more open than that.  I think that life is for us to grow, to keep becoming ourselves until we reach an apex.  The world/universe/God keeps putting experiences in our path for us to learn from until we've gotten from them what we were supposed to.  Can we avoid some experiences?  Yeah, but new ones will come to us with the same purpose in mind.  And they'll be more and more obvious what they are supposed to be teaching, until finally we are hit over the head (if that's what we need) and say "Oh, ok, I get it."  So, yeah, I think there are plans, many plans, all for our ultimate good.  And I think we can make it easier on ourselves, or harder. 
 

 

Are you grateful for the bad things that have happened in your life as well as the good?

No.  Not all of them.  Am I grateful that I was held back in the seventh grade?  Yes, because it altered my life completely and I met some very different, very wonderful people as a result.  But if I hadn’t?  If I'd gotten my act together and passed on, Mightn’t those people I met have been equally if not more wonderful?  And do all paths end up leading us as people, to the same point?  I don’t know.  I’d like to go back and make different decisions just to see what would have happened, what else I might have experienced as a result.  Am I grateful that my grandmother died?  No.  I dealt with it, and everyone has to go at some point, but I’m not grateful. 

 

 Do you think it’s possible for you to change at this point in your life, or do you think your flaws are your flaws for better or worse and there’s no getting around them, just dealing with them?

I think that yes, it’s possible to change and grow, or what’s the point?  But I also think that some challenges are with a person for as long as he lives.  They may go away for a bit, but they are just a breath away from coming back.  Sometimes I'll be in charge of my issues and other times not.  Some of them I will have beaten eventually, according to other people's definition of that word, but not my own. 
 
Take our addictions.  We may come to a point where we don't succumb to them every day, or ever, but they still have a pull on us, and sometimes a very strong pull.  With hard work we might get to the point where we learn to control and manage our dark cravings, but those demons don’t ever really go away, or if they do they are still closer than we may think. 

I think we each have a certain set of challenges in our life that are ours.  And they define us.  They are uniquely ours and we can make them tools or obstacles.   

 What kinds of stories are you attracted to?  Stories with magic.  Because magical properties are a great way to illuminate or point up the truth.  Magic is one way of raising the stakes.  It makes anything possible.  You can raise to greater heights or lower depths when magic is involved.  That’s why I love these stories.  One of my favorite movies is  Bell, Book and Candle with Jimmy Stewart and Kim Novak, partly because it stretches the boundaries of what is possible.  What happens when a beautiful bohemian witch, who physically cannot cry, learns how?  A really good story, in my opinion.

 

 

 

 

"Thoughts on A Creative Career"

Found this video really thought provoking, and think it pertains to anyone who has that innate desire to write, paint, act, or create and not just the young ones.

Happy Birthday, Judy!!

My obsession began early, and except for the short period of time between age ten and thirteen when I did my best to put away the pursuits I considered less than masculine, I have been faithful.  For me, she is my guiding star, the wounded healer who worked through the wounds to find the joy, and who was courageous enough to share all the longing, giddiness, conviction and radiance she possessed.  

There's a clip I can't help but share every year, as for me it simply captures her like no other video.  It's a performance of "When the Sun Comes Out" from the first episode of her short lived television variety show.  I've paired it with the Jack Parr interview that showed what a charismatic raconteur she was and made the series that was to follow this appearance possible.

 

 

 

 

Happy 91st, Judy!

"Stories We Tell"

Until today I was only familiar with Sarah Polley as a Canadian actress and I'm so glad I got over my sour grapes attitude which at least aided to my subconscious avoidance of her directorial debut, Away From Her,  and its follow-up, both of which have been critically praised.  Last month, however, I saw a preview for her latest film, a personal documentary which explored her family's history and the story of Sarah's birth that had long been joked about.  I was instantly drawn in, not by the possible salaciousness, as much as by a sense of longing and nostalgia for stories and people lost to us.

 

I found the complete film profoundly moving, and it has been playing in the back of my mind for the rest of the day and into the evening, needling and poking at me with it's not completely answerable questions about truth, and memory, and fairness.  It's playing at the Regal Arbor 8, and The Violet Crown here in Austin, and I highly recommend it.  

Creepy Kid's Stuff

This video is both awesome and creepy to the highest degree.  If I'd been these kids I'd have been terrified.  Hum Bear and "Melody Mouse" are getting a surprise ready for Sally in the middle of the night.  Just in case you didn't know that toys like to party, too.  Really starts about 2 minutes in.

Judy and Avedon

I'll admit it.  I am completely obsessed.  And as the days get closer to what would have been Judy's 91st birthday (June 10th), I've been inspired to drag my sorry butt back to the blog and share the obsession.

Today I want to focus on the Richard Avedon portraits.  Avedon was a high fashion photographer for Vogue, and is one of the best portrait photographer out there.  His series "In the American West" is brilliant, and his celebrity photos are so intimate and truthful.  He took many photos of Judy throughout the fifties and sixties.  Below is just a sample: 

(Judy and Richard, 1956)