My gentleman caller contacted me Saturday to let me know he was coming to the show that night and bringing a friend with him. Fortunately, it was our biggest house so far, the energy in the cast was at a peak. Everyone waiting in the lobby seemed to really enjoy the show and a lot of the theatre community had showed up, so it was great to have so many friends to hug and receive kudos from before I greeted the guy who could conceivably have been completely turned off by having just seen me in that outfit, doing my thing.
When I finally was able to get to him, he didn't seem bothered by it at all. He was his usual, quiet self, but he said he liked the show and was a little overwhelmed as he always is when he sees good theatre. Not wanting the evening to end so quickly with him I mentioned that I needed to get to a friend's birthday party later, but we could grab a drink if they were up for it. We hung out at Vivo's for awhile and eventually my GC said- "Well, I really want you to make it to your friend's party tonight, so why don't we all head over to my place and take it from there." His logic was VERY questionable , of course, but I wanted to be alone with him for a little bit, so I said yes and we drove down. Upon arrival at the house, his friend made a quick exit, and then we were alone.
And then, as we were settling down on the couch and nestling into each other, he threw a wrench into my fun. Something about getting out of a long term relationship very recently and not wanting me to be a rebound, so I should keep my emotions in check. Now I ask you, why do men do this? Over think a situation, start to worry about where things might go, and try to alleviate themselves of any guilt they might feel if they turn out not to want much more than a night or two of this? Not only did it suck a lot of the fun out of the situation, but it put me on edge and I quickly erected the great wall of China around my heart (which, once it's up is incredibly hard to break down).
The rest of the evening was fine, but I will say there's something slightly intimidating about making out with someone as fit and muscular as he was. There's no place to find a soft spot at all, and I'm kind of fond of those fleshy parts which make us all feel human. Plus, his physical near perfection made me more conscious of my own imperfections.
He called the next day and it was just a touch awkward because of a certain conversational interaction I won't share here that caused me to realize our senses of humor might not be a match. That might sound like a small thing, but sense of humor, the ability to laugh at the same things is crucial to me in any relationship. Plus, that seed of doubt got planted is disconcerting...but we'll see. It's too early too worry about it now, so I'm just going to enjoy the attention.
It feels like early on in our lives, every one of us is convinced to cast aside a piece of ourselves. Whether that something is as big as a sexual preference or as seemingly insignificant as a favorite color. Here's my journey to taking those pieces back.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Cursive
Last week I returned to doing my morning pages , a practice I was committed to for years, and then abandoned, at least partially in the d...
-
When October rolls around I find myself, like everyone else, wanting to celebrate and soak in all things spooky, mysterious and frightening....
-
If you want a real peek at a celebrity's impish side, the way they might have appeared at a cocktail party, AND you're inter...
No comments:
Post a Comment