Looking Back

 I've decided to do a little metaphorical time traveling, within my own life. I've dabbled in that kind of rumination and remembering before. Last year I started a project intending to transcribe all of my childhood journals beginning with the 7th grade. The idea was I'd get them on my hard drive and they might actually be of service, in case I wanted them for posterity or inspiration for creative projects, and to try and get a sense of myself and my adolescence as story, rather than a series of rote wakings and sleeping and repeating. And I did find glimpses of that, but after the initial surge wore off, the messiness of my childhood delusions and fantasies began to feel like self inflicted torture, and my dedication to it wavered until it was forgotten. 

But, in spite of not yet completing that project, I don't feel like the urge was a wrong one, or the practice a failure. And so, I've started a couple new projects, which I'm much more likely to reach the end of.

1. I have a disposable camera that I'd only partially used, and that I've been holding onto since 2006. I've refused to let go of it even though I hadn't taken a photo with it since that year. I figured at some point I there might be something worth developing, and so in spite of three moves since then, I still have the camera. Of course, it expired in 2008 so whatever photos were in there might not be salvageable, but I finally decided, inspired my roommate, who mentioned she was planing to do the same, I dropped it off at Duane Reade, and in three to four weeks I should know, if the technology has held, what I was thinking worthwhile to record fifteen years ago. 

2. When I was two, my mom began interviewing me, recording my voice for posterity. It was just the two of us at that time, and she was my world, so we had lots of recorded conversations. She also recorded bath time, my third Christmas, and we would record spoken letters for friends and family, some of which were never sent. In time, her interest in the spoken word became my interest, and I now have boxes of tapes, sporadically recorded, and which have taken up space in my parents garage since then. I'd always figured I would some day transfer them, if possible to digital, and see if there was anything worth keeping. In particular there are talks my mother and grandmother had during some of her visits, and I would like to hear those again. 

A friend of mine recently lost his grandmother, and he shared a fifteen minute interview he had done with his grandmother over the phone. It was so comforting, and her affection for him so obvious that it finally inspired me to order a $30 machine to catch what might be on them before the tapes can corrode any further. Of course, I may not find the particular conversations I'm hoping for, and after sifting through hours of footage I might not discover anything worth keeping, but I've decided it's better to know. 

In the meantime, I'm feeling pretty hopeful, and glad that the tomorrow I've kept promising myself is on it's way to becoming "today". I'll make sure to update you with anything I find.