Words Said On The Manhattan Bound N Train Yesterday Morning At 8:07

(A  shaggy grey hair,ed man walks into the N Train at the Queensborough Plaza stop on a busy Tuesday morning.  He has a booming French accent, and wears a soiled trench coat)

Oh look!!!  You are all here!  Hello America, you have arrived!  Aren't we all blessed?  Look at you.  Just look at yourselves.

(I surreptitiously, and avoiding the crazy man's glance, look at us.  We aren't much to look at)


Aren't you lucky?  To be here?  And you are so beautiful!  And do you know who loves you?????

(I'm pretty sure I can guess)

JESUS LOVES YOU!!!!  He does!  Don't you know it!  I want you to know how much I love you, and how much Jesus does, and how great America is!  God gave his son to you!!  I think we should all sing.  Let's sing and pray!  Our father holy god Jesus!  Thank you thank you thank you...

(It's at this pint that I stop pretending to be tuned out and actually tune out.  And yes, this may make me seem like a cynical person, but I don't need some asshole shouting at me about the sacrifice of Jesus on a Wednesday morning at 8:07.  I just want to play my fucking Wizard of Oz match three game and get to work)

That's it America!  Thank you, Thanks to Jesus and have a wonderful day!!  Don't forget that Jesus loves you, and pray everyday!

(He exits.  A moment goes by.  I breathe a mental sigh of relief. He enters in the next door)

Hello, America!  You made it!! (stops for a second) Have I already been in this car???

(Against my better judgement, I respond- "Yes, you have.  You were just here." It's the Jurassic Park equivalent of moving when the fucking T-Rex is sniffing three feet away from you. At this time the doors close and the train moves on)

I was???  I was!!! Well, goodness that's ok!  (Looking toward me) Big Man!!!

(I despise being called 'big man'.  Loathe it)

You're so tall, Mr. Man!  You know what?  You are taller than JESUS!!!!!  Do you know what you look like?  (I involuntarily shudder, and part of me wants to tell him that it's not like Jesus was on record as being that tall so being taller than him is not a great feat) You look like an Oak tree!!!!

And you (he turns to a twenty-something woman with her boyfriend) You look like a cloud!

(She mumbles, "A what?)

(loud assertive man with the French accent whispers) You look like a cloud.  (He points his finger close to her nose, like he's going to "boop it".  He does not "boop" it.  At this point the train stops at 49th, where it's thankfully time for me to make a hasty exit.  I hear him as I leave) 

Well, goodbye America, and thank you!  And don't forget who loves you!!  It's JEEEEEESUSSSSSS!