21 Day Challenge!

The last few months have been kind of rough as far as my weight goes.  Ok, let's face it, the last year has been...dicey.  But if I'm being honest with myself, weight has always been a struggle, and may very well be that until I slough off this mortal coil.  I'm getting to be ok with that, as long as I feel like I'm winning the battle. 

But this past year?  I've gained twelve pounds, and I'm just not comfortable.  I'm in between sizes, feeling unattractive, and I know something has to be done.  And so I build up giant dreams in the sky of what I'm going to do to lose the weight as quickly as possible, and yet, that plan does not include anything structured, and rather than focus on process I focus on what the scale has to say each day, and so my "plan" changes depending on what the demon scale feels like telling me that day.  Down 3 pounds?  Oh, I can afford a brownie!  Up 2?  I'm make plans to never eat again. 

And so I yoyo back and forth, spend a few days in intense workout mode, eating healthy, drinking water, and then...I slip.   It might be the tiniest slip, but in my mind, and compared with what I'd been doing, it feels like a slide, which is what it inevitably becomes as the guilt loads up and has its way with my mental health.  Before you know it I'm cramming every donut known to man down my gullet as I prepare for another few days of "being good".  And so, it ends up I don't really end up losing any weight, and in fact can end up gaining. 

Not that I can't do it, lose weight.  I've done it before.  And I don't always need to be on some regimented plan, but if I'm not, I need a motivation that will stay with me for a month or so.  After a break-up, this motivation is easy to come by, but at this particular moment in my life, the motivation isn't there and the self regimented plan isn't working.  And yet, I can't go on gaining weight, as I can  hardly stand walking by a mirror now, dreading what monster might be staring back at me.  And so I've started the "My Fit Foods" 21 Day Challenge. 

I started a couple of days ago, on the 29th, and am feeling both hungry and tired.  There's no caffeine allowed on this plan, and so I'm going through withdrawals, as usually I will drink two Diet Cokes a day, and maybe a cup of coffee.  I know this will go away after a couple of days, but in the meantime, it's hell.  But I keep on...

Here's what it entails.  I eat only their prepackaged meals, made fresh daily, with only the best carbs and lots of light proteins.  I work out, drink half my water, take vitamin supplements and drink a "cleanse" each morning.  So far, I've been eating the meals, but tomorrow starts my first "official day" and I will add the vitamins and the cleanse.  We'll see how it goes.  My goal right now...well, I'm keeping that to myself at the moment, but if I reach it when this whole thing is through, I'll be sure to let you know.