A Brief Hiatus

Well, I fucked up.  I didn't blog last night.  And do you want to know who did it to me?  Zina.  Zina Bethune, formerly of the CBS series "Nurses".  She was one of the guest stars of episode 12, and friends...I just couldn't do it.  She was dear, very sweet, adorable even to some, I'm sure.  But she was such a wildly inappropriate guest, such an obvious ploy for ratings, and she tries SO HARD!!  You can see the nerves bubbling up out of her skin like little pimples. It would have been fine if she were on a daytime talk show, or a night time chat show, but on a variety show that you would hope requires a little experience and talent?  She doesn't cut it, and I couldn't make it through.  I tried, but then someone texted, and my modern mind wandered and before you knew it, I was asleep. 

So why not tonight?  Why couldn't I post tonight?  I hung out with a  good friend of mine, had a couple of drinks, and...

But tomorrow I will do it.  Tomorrow I will finish the episode, although, as you can already guess, it won't be a particularly fun post that results from it.  ZINA BETHUNE???
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Ok.  Cue the raging guilt. Zina Bethune has passed on.  I got curious and looked her up on-line, and found the following on Wikipedia: "On February 12, 2012, Bethune was killed in an apparent hit-and-run accident while she was trying to help an injured opossum in Griffith Park, Los Angeles. She was five days shy of her 67th birthday."

How awful.  She really is sweet on the show, and I'm sure if I'd met her in person I would have loved her.  She obviously cared for animals, even really unattractive ones. 

TJGS Episode 11: The Best One Yet

This has always been my favorite episode of the series as it has more amazing, varied, beautifully conceived numbers packed into forty-five minutes than any other episode in the series and if you only catch one installment in the series, it should be episode eleven. 

The show begins in a Wintery Wonderland, with a chorus dancing in to introduce Judy before she glides in on a sleigh, seated next to a very handsome young dancer.  It's so glamorous and festive, and Judy so vibrant and sounding wonderful. 

 

 

As for the "Be My Guest" segment, this is one of the rare episodes in which it works, with guests Steve Allen and Mel Torme (the second of his contracted appearances) singing their "school song" and Judy responding with her "school song", that school being the little red schoolhouse at MGM.  It's clever, self deprecating, and sung with such mischief.  It's a joy.

 

Judy later sings "Here's That Rainy Day" in a number which is beautifully designed.  Judy in a raincoat crooning mournfully , as people stroll by, their umbrellas glistening from the rain above.  I really feel the show could have benefited from the more immersive "set-pieces" that highlight this show rather than the bizzare obstacle courses of random furniture that sometimes deck the stage and serve as set.  To be fair, this abstract kind of set was very popular in its day, and I could just be a matter of personal preference.

 

Mel Torme's solo spot is horrible in a really delightful way.  He sees himself as some kind of brooding ladies man, and was really into motorcycles at the time of the taping so he suggested doing the number in the midst of all these high powered machines.  Pair them up with these ultra-serious, "working way to hard to be sexy" dancers, and Mel schmoozing it up ala the "Rat Pack" and you have a treat.  Truthfully the recording of the song is wonderful, and no one can fault Torme's singing (although I will say he hit a couple of clunky notes in the show that I wish they would have let him do again).  He redeems himself in a marvelous duet with Judy in which the two of them sing "The Party's Over". 

 

 

Judy and Steve Allen also perform a medley of songs from the unsuccessful musical "Sophie" based on the life of Sophie Tucker, with music and lyrics by Allen.  It was Judy's idea to showcase the songs in the hopes that one of them might become a hit in spite of the failure of the show itself.  The first number in the medley "I Love You Today" is very sweet, while the second song is a touch on the trite side, and the third...the third is a dynamite song,and one of my three favorite performances on the series., and it comes in at 4:35 in the clip. 

 

 

It's lovely to see Steve Allen just beaming as she sings his work.  His great admiration is very apparent, and the two of them are so warm and comfortable together.

 

In the tea segment, Judy sits with Jayne Meadows (Steve's wife and Judy's new best friend).  She is so sophisticated, so erudite, and at ease with Judy.  She's like a showbiz version of one of Truman Capote's swans.  Now the wig she's wearing?  That  helmet with the curly cue on the side?  That's another matter altogether. 

 

Yet another number that just takes the house down is a gorgeous interlocking puzzle of an arrangement which combines several songs as sung by Garland, Allen and Torme.  The conceit of the number is that each of them wants to sing a different song, so they sing every one of them.  Often times one sings lead while one or two of the others sing in counterpoint.  When you watch the clip, feel free to skip the unneccesary comic bit and go right to the good stuff at 3:40.

 

 

 

Finally, there's the "Trunk Spot".  The first number is a throw away that is only noticeable for how much Judy seems to be enjoying herself, but the second is a breathtaking piece, almost operatic in its breadth and tone, and Judy's voice just soars.  It's kind of distillation of all the things that make her one of the most magnetic performers who ever lived.

 

 

(Note:  the show was taped in mid-October, but must have planned as a New Years episode from the get-go- it aired on January 5th, 1964- as there are at least three mentions of the new year peppered throughout the episode.

 

 

 

   

 

 





TJGS Episode 10: Ray Bolger Talks to the Instruments (and They Don't Listen to Him)

Episode 10 is a cobbled together, cut and paste mess.  Having guest stars Jane Powell and Ray Bolger should have made for a great show, but instead it's amongst the worst of the series. 

One of the things I wish they would have dropped from the show completely the "Be My Guest" segment.  Once again, a guest star comes out and ribs Judy about some mistake she'd made in her past, and once again it doesn't play well.  Plus, there's this odd mixture of ad-libbing and scripted material that throws off the rhythms and makes everyone, especially Judy as the driver of the segment, look like they don't know quite what they are doing.  The sketch didn't quite know if it wanted to be loose and casual or tight and quickly paced.  As a result it isn't much of anything.  And the transitions!  They're so awkward, and having to make them look natural and organic is a near impossibility, which Judy doesn't achieve, and yet, who could?

Another reason I'm not so fond of the show is that Judy looks the least prepared that she has on any of the episodes show so far.  There's lots of manic energy and hand wringing galore as she looks every minute like she's about to go up on a line, and pulls through about a half a second late.  It's an obviously "unsettled" Garland on episode 10. 

There's this strange phenomena amongst Garland fans.  There's an urge to protect her that's stronger than with most.  We don't want anyone to think ill of her, and are so tired of the same old untruths about her that we, or I guess I should speak only for myself, I cringe every time I see her looking unprepared because it's just more fodder for the ignorant, who will of course jump to the conclusion that she's drunk.  Well, 95% of the time she's not.  But that 5% has a real impact on some, and the myths and legends surrounding it have an even greater impact.

Jerry Van Dyke had just been fired, and this would be his last episode on the show.  Garland was pretty upset by it (incidentally, at the same time she was campaigning to get Schlatter reinstated as Producer of the show) and in her few moments with him you can see even more affection than usual, as the two of them know this will be it.  Bill Hobin would soon leave the show as director, citing creative differences with Hunt Stromberg, Jr and Norman Jewison.  The production team was dividing up into sides, tensions were high, and it all had quite an impact on Garland, who started showing up late to rehearsals more often than not.  Garland was the type who soaked up the emotions of her environment, and the emotions now on the set were filled with tension.

Adding to the lack of cohesion is what seems like a mini-concert plunked down in the middle of the show, and appears to have been filmed weeks apart from the rest of the show due to the very different hairstyles and costuming.  After Judy sings a few numbers there's an abrupt cut and Judy returns in the same hairstyle and dress she'd been wearing before.

The numbers themselves are pretty weak.  Ray Bolger sings a medley of songs in a so-called rehearsal room full of empty chairs with instruments seated upon them, and he spends his entire number talking to these inanimate instruments, much as Clint Eastwood would later do at the Republican convention.  He sings, badly, every possible song with a woman's name in it.  The only enjoyable moments are when he dances. 

Judy sings "One For My Baby" as a throw away number in the middle of a comedic sketch, and I would have loved to hear her do it seriously.  Not just without all the interruptions, but with an approach that treated it as a dramatic monologue, something at which Garland excelled.

Judy, Ray and Jane sing "The Jitterbug", and it's difficult to watch.  Not just because it's overtly "cute", but there's something disconcerting about watching two middle aged women in teenaged bobby-soxer outfits.

 



On the upside?  It's nice to see Judy and Ray together remembering the filming of The Wizard of Oz, even with an awkward moment in which Ray mentions the first edition of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven" that he had given her.  He seems pretty proud of it and she seems to have completely forgotten about it. 

There is one segment that is always a joy to watch.  No matter what else happens in the show, good or bad, as the credits roll Judy dances and cavorts, claps for the audience, shakes hands with her fans, and generally makes magic as only she can. It never disappoints. 

TJGS Episode 9: Steamroller Merm Meets the Two Other "Belters"

Episode 9 is notable for many reasons:

• The arrangements are incredible.  The best of the series so far.  There's Barbra's "Down With Love", Judy's "Just In Time" which modulates all over the place (and would be even more improved when reprised in a later episode with an alternate tag ending) Judy and Barbra's marathon "Hooray For Love" Medley, and of course there is the famous duet arrangement of Garland's "Get Happy" and Streisand's "Happy Days Are Here Again".  It's been getting a lot of play lately, was performed on "Glee", and was featured in the most recent Pink Martini album Get Happy, but the first version is the best, and it was all Garland's idea. 

• The Smothers Brothers are the first comedic guests from the series that remain funny to this day.  While the other comedy acts had been pure cornball and could expect, at best to be considered mildly amusing today (I'm talking to you Dick Shawn) the Smothers Brothers are so off-beat and natural.  The sensibility of their humor is still very "current" and their act seems to fly by.

 

 

• The pairing of Garland and Streisand is history in the making.  Judy had brought family and friends to catch Barbra's act and was so taken with her that she convinced the execs to rearrange the shooting schedule to Barbra so could be a guest.  More than anything, Judy was very generous to talent, and she was exceptionally good to Streisand.  She convinced her agents to take Streisand on as a client (though they may not have needed much coaxing) and throughout the show you can see how much she gives to her when performing.  Streisand on her part is a little less giving, a little more reserved, but I don't think it's selfishness, just youth.  She was only nineteen after all, and still mastering the some of the "finesse" she would have later.  I highly recommend the chapter devoted to this episode in "Rainbow's End" as it perfectly captures the shared spirit of admiration, the perplexed attitudes of many in the old guard of showbiz who didn't get what all the hubbub was about when it came to Streisand, and hints that the Diva in Streisand, when it came to matters like what kind of tea she wanted to drink during breaks and pitching a bit of a fit when her guest spot was slightly shortened, may have been there, even at that early age.

 

• Old "Steamroller Merm", as I like to call her, makes a "surprise" appearance and completely takes over.  The moment she takes the stage she overwhelms everyone with volume and sheer gusto.  She even commands the conversation and takes every opportunity to steer the it back to her.  When the three of them sing together, Ethel's aim is obvious: steal focus.  Garland gives the whole number over to Ethel preferring to be her cheerleader than compete, and when she notices that Barbra's getting a bit bowled over as she somewhat gamely tries to sing along, she pulls Streisand into the group, making her a bigger part of it.   PS:  I suggest watching the number a few times and focusing on a different performer each time.  It's fascinating, and hilarious, as some of Barbra's slightly bemused expressions are priceless.

 

 

 

Jerry Van Dyke is on the show for one of his last episodes, still playing the part of "World's Number One Asshole".  If they'd have just let him continue with his sweet bumbler, and let him have a hand in concocting some of the material himself, he might have made a true contribution.  If only they could have dropped the bullshit about knocking Judy off her so called pedestal.  It continues in this episode and extends to the show itself in a bit in which Jerry claims the show is too expensive and so starts making budget cuts.  The audience doesn't need those little seeds of negativity planted in their head that would make them think the show is doing any less than spectacularly.

 

Incidentally the first reviews for the Garland show came out during this week would target this very aspect of the show as an awful idea, deriding the writers, with one critic threatening to punch the next person who referred to Garland as a "little old lady".   Aside from that they were overwhelmingly positive, if not for the show itself, then for Garland.  She'd always been the critic's darling and this was no exception. Good on you, critics. 





TJGS Episode 8: Judy Garland, A Baseball Coach, A TV Actor and a Pack of Hillbillys

This is the strangest assortment of guests yet, and all ordered by Hunt Stromberg, Jr.  as an attempt to appeal to a wide array of folks.  Judy Garland chatting with Leo Duroscher, coach of the LA Dodgers?  She knows nothing about baseball, freely admits it, and while she's very sweet and convivial, it makes for a bewildering three or four minutes.  And then there's the idea of matching her up with The Dillards, a downhome bluegrass band that had been featured on The Andy Griffith Show.  Round it out with George Maharis of "Route 66" and you have one of the very reasons I said earlier that these Jewison produced shows seem more "daytime".  The guests assembled are of the caliber you might easily find on a chatty daytime talk show, all clumped together with little thought to chemistry or cohesiveness.

One thing the show does have going for it?  Judy's vocals are back in top shape, she sounds and looks at ease, and thank the Lord the guests stopped insulting Judy through song.  The show itself is a very polished production, very streamlined and with little of the stumbles and stammers that marred earlier episodes.  The material is not great, the writing's pretty flat, but it's executed well by the performers.  The cast may be selling shit, but they sell it with panache!

The highlights of this program?  Judy and George Maharis sing a lovely arrangement  of "Side By Side" with beautiful harmonies, and they seem to love being with each other. 

 

 

Highlight number two is this near perfect rendition of "I Wish You Love".  So lush and poignant.

 



TJGS Episode 7: The Premiere!!! (Take Two)

This episode was selected by the executives at CBS as the premiere episode.  I suppose, having fired Schlatter they couldn't allow one of his episodes to start the series off, because if people liked it and deemed it better than some of the latter episodes then the CBS Execs would have to eat a lot of crow.

This episode was due to start with the overture taken from the Mickey Rooney episode, but instead started with our favorite dancers singing a take-off on "Call Her Irresponsible", which is supposed to culminate in Judy's entrance...and she is no where to be seen.  She eventually appears and goes into an introductory number.  Now, Judy had somewhat impishly performed this song to CBS Executives and affiliates for a gathering and it had been a hit.  Yet, there's a big difference between a person making fun of themselves, and others making fun of them.  It set a bad tone to start the show that way.  And Jerry is again forced to speak some insulting dialogue to Judy which does make people feel confident that she will be able to carry this venture off.  It's a very peculiar way to sell a performer.  Stupid CBS listening to poll takers and changing the show up before the first episodes had even aired.  Have some confidence in your product, ass wipes.





Garland sings "Fly Me To The Moon" in this gorgeous wooded set with beautiful flowered trees.  It's a gorgeous set-up and yet her pipes aren't quite back up to full capacity.  It's another peculiar move on CBS' part to open the series with an episode in which Garland's vocal quality is not up to peak. It doesn't make sense.

Mostly, my complaints with this episode are repeats from last weeks episode.  The material they're highlighting in the duets is subpar, the special material is forgettable, the whole show is just unremarkable, and there are a couple of false starts and flubbed lines (one by Garland and couple by O'Connor) that should have been a good enough reason to do another take.  I just don't get it.

Highlights?  Judy has a laugh out loud moment in which she and O'Connor are spoofing Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy and she takes a moment to play and jokingly flirt with the camera.

And, in spite of the fact that I don't really love clowns (I'm not one of those people afraid of them, I just don't care for them) the second highlight is a simply charming number that Jerry and Judy and Donald join in together. 



TJGS Episode 6: That Ain't No Way to Treat A Lady

This show is rough.  It's the first episode that had my mind wandering and musing on running the dish washer, what to pick up at the grocery store, work the next morning, anything except for the messy business on-camera.  The trouble on-camera was at least partially influenced by the mess that things quickly degenerated into off-camera. 

As mentioned before, due to some negative feedback from average Americans participating in a screening, Hunt Stromberg came to the set and made quite a few suggestions, claiming that he knew what needed to be done to fix the show.  Judy, until this point had not thought that the show was in need of fixing and both she and Schlatter were pretty shaken by his comments.  I'm shocked that Stromberg didn't know better than to be so artless in his discussions because the whole show rested on her talents and presence and it was pretty well understood that an unhappy Judy could make some unproductive decisions.

More talks would follow, and while Schlatter heard and understood the changes the  execs wanted him to make, he disagreed, and refused to change.  He felt that he knew what Judy needed, and wouldn't relent.  As a result, the executives showed him, and a large portion of his team, the door.

It's been claimed that Garland didn't know what was coming, wasn't aware of the firings, and I suppose it's possible, but I have a hard time believing it.  If anyone would be told, it would be the star of the show. Right?   And, while most people were fired, one of those most important to Judy was saved; Mel Torme.  He helped her select music, conducted for her, kept her secure in her musical performances and to me (and this is purely conjecture) it seems like a concession from the studio brass to allow Garland to have a kind of security blanket to hold on to in the midst of the upheaval.  



Norman Jewison was brought in as Executive Producer, and this episode is his first in that capacity.  And it doesn't bode well.  While the first five episodes seemed lush, glamorous, this is awash in light.   The costumes are unflattering, the hairstyling is off (I'm talkin' bout you June Allyson)...



  Maybe everyone was just thrown off their game because of the behind the scenes drama which was impacting a relatively happy show prior to the changes, but some of the decisions were very much on purpose.

1.   I can't quite put my finger on it, but this episode seems much more "daytime" than all the episodes prior.  Much less sophisticated.

2.   Jerry stops being a bumbler who looks up to and is encouraged by Garland, and is instantly transformed into an egotistical tv expert who drills Garland, criticizes her every move and essentially tells her she's doing everything wrong, and making her appear as a novice on her own show.  She is forced to react to all the things Jerry is throwing at her, so she looks uncomfortable through most of these scenes.  It was SO much better to see Judy looking fresh and at home, to see how much her guests seemed happy to be there.  Those episodes raised her up and exhibited her at her warmest, and most at ease.  They made the studio seem like a fun place to be.  These episodes knock her off her "pedestal" by making her look a little unready, inexperienced in television, and a bit baffled.  And is that really the sort of person you want to "get to know"?  Nope. 

3.  The focus is much less on music, and thrown to these awkward, poorly scripted comedic bits. 
Steve Lawrence, who sings and looks like a dream (he really understood how to work the camera during a vocal performance) does a terrible bit in which he sings these horribly unfunny and insulting things to Garland.  He doesn't get to be a version of his own sweet self, but he's forced to be this awkward Brando-esque asshole.  ALL the patter is moronic and boring.

4.  There's a lot more "special material", and none of it is particularly good.  I'd much rather have seen Steve and Judy sing some grade-A material than what they are left with.  Opportunity wasted.

All in all, the show just seems messy, and it's not helped by June Allyson.  It seems as if she's just a wee bit too "loose".  She's tickled by everything, can't stop cracking up, and doesn't seem to take the work seriously, and witnesses say she'd been drinking a bit to overcome her earlier nerves.  Too be fair, she had been devastated by the somewhat recent death of her husband Dick Powell and had not worked in some time.  It was Garland's cajoling and coaxing that brought her out to face the world again, so these are her first brave, if somewhat shaky efforts to do so.  June had done some wonderful work prior, and has proved herself a generous and gentle soul since, so one can forgive this misstep.


As for the set?  This is the episode where every set piece is extremely literal.  It's a trend that would unfortunately continue.  Steve Lawrence is going to sing "Time After Time"?  Ok, we'll stick him in the middle of a crowd of cut-outs of clocks.  Get it??  Judy is going to sing "Happiness is Just a Thing Called Joe" from Cabin in the Sky?  Well, she'll need to do it on the front porch of a cabin, of course.  And June Allyson is singing "The Doodlin' Song"?  Well, she'll need to be surrounded by The Judy Garland Dancers" as they doodle on giant rolls of paper.  Silly.  And I for one have never been fond of the way these sets seem plopped in the middle of a limbo world with no walls.   

The finale of the show, a tribute to MGM film musicals the biggest disappointment of all.  The set continues the trend of "literal" interp by dropping Steve, June and Judy amongst giant film reels.  The performances on said set are under rehearsed, and shoddy.  Both Judy and June look a little wobbly, and there is so much line flubbing, and obvious glancing at cue cards...ugh.   

Final note- while Garland has sounded brilliant in all prior episodes, during this one she's having apparent vocal troubles and mentions having struggled with laryngitis during the week.  So if you think you're hearing a rougher, raspier Garland, you are. 

TJGS Episode 5: The Sexiest Episode Yet

Watching the Pioneer DVDs as I have been is an interesting experience as they differ ever so slightly from the aired version of the show.  For example, the cameras linger on studio audience for what seems like an eternity during the fade-out to commercial, possibly to give the editors some space when they are fading out for the commercial that's been removed.  At any rate, it allows us to see some very amusing behavior, like in the episode with Mickey in which one woman on house right is absolutely tickled pink to see herself on the monitor.  She just can't help herself, she points, she giggles, she titters about it to the person next to her...awesome. 

They say you can also spot the celebrities in the audience as you watch, but so far that hasn't been the case.  In the premier episode Natalie Wood, Lucille Ball and the cast of The Dick Van Dyke Show were in the audience, but I couldn't find them, at all.

Also, the DVDs will occasionally show numbers edited into the show that were cut from the aired version. 

In this episode the number that was edited into the DVD version, even though it was cut for the aired episode, is "If Love Were All", and I can see why it was cut.  It's a beautiful song, and one of Garland's stand by numbers, but it's not really suited to start a show.  Dramatically it fits much better in the latter portion of a performance as sung by someone who's already been "through the mill".  To see Garland come out looking dazzling, all glammed up and up beat singing this whistful, somewhat self pitying song...well it's weird.  And it was cut.  Also weird?  Those damned Judy Garland singers.  They never fail to provide a creepy, incongruous moment.  They succeed again in the number "Yes, Indeed" in which Judy introduces her guests for the evening.  Usually I have not troubles keeping my eyes on Judy, but the dancers are so...wacky, that they demand your attention.  Watch and see:

Right?  What is up with those cones leaking those incredibly fake looking extensions?  And the boys...come on kids.  Who's fucking idea were they.  Get them outta there. 

One thing that surprised me, was that even though Dick Shawn is a NIGHTMARE, so unappealing and off-putting with his "sexual" energy that supposedly gets the girls wild, Jerry Van Dyke is just sweet and adorable as can be.  His energy is great and he's hilarious in the duet with Shawn.  And I can't help but feel that if he'd kept that up, with Judy performing as an encouraging influence to bolster his sagging confidence, it might have actually worked.

Tony Bennett.  What is it about Tony Bennett.  He's all chin and nose, with lashes that Tony Curtis would have been proud of, and he's just as hot as can be.  He's committed, emotional, and his confidence comes from within.  Good Lord.  It makes my heart flutter just to watch him.  And his chemistry with Judy?  They can't keep their hands off each other.  It's weird to know that they just met for the episode because they seem like old flames that have been able to transition into a very comfortable friendship.  This clip provides the evidence when Judy joins the song about 2 minutes in.

In the "trunk" segment Judy tells another anecdote at the behest of Hunt Stromberg, Jr.  and sings a lovely rendition of "Stormy Weather" and as the credits roll she walks into the audience and joyously greets Steve Allen and his wife Jayne Meadows.  It's a great moment. 

Reclaiming Iphone

It was a bit of a rough morning to start out with.  I've been staying up into the wee hours working on my Judy Show challenge, and so the sounds of NPR commentators was not exactly welcome at 9AM.  Lord, I did not want to get out of bed, and yet, maybe I couldn't face a churchful of people this Sunday morning, but I could play hookey and creep into the Starbucks s shower, wearing a "Homeslice Pizza" t-shirt, green hoodie and worn out tennies, and who would give me a second glance?  No one, that's who.  So I piled into the car, and a coffee and cinnamon roll later, a little writing completed,  I got back in.  I didn't miss my phone right away.  First I drove around awhile, ran some errands, and when I finally reached into my pocket and found it missing, I didn't panic yet.  I mean, I leave things around.  It's something I do, and I cope with it as best I can.  I knew I had probably just left it at the apartment, and could find it when I got home.  No rush.  And yet, once home, it wasn't there.

I enabled the "find my iphone" feature and had it play a noise to alert me where it was as I wandered around listening for it.  Nothing.  Then, after looking at the intersection where it was located I realized it was at the Starbucks ,so I drove on back, still not worried at all.  After all, these things happen.  And usually(aside from the time a month ago when my car window had been busted and my iphone and ipod had been stolen) they work themselves out.  I talked to the cute guy at the counter and asked him if an iphone had been turned into the lost and found.

Cute Starbucks Man:  No...oh wait, was it making a noise?

Me:  Probably, I had the alert turned on because I assumed it was in my apartment.

Cute Starbucks Man:  Oh yeah (crossing to the cushy chair I'd been sitting in) it made the noise and then it was driving me crazy so I turned off the sound.  It was right here, on the table.  I...Oh man, I'm sorry, I assumed it belonged to someone who had gone to the bathroom.  It was right here. 

THIS is when panic made a rumbly in my tumbly.  Where could it be?  It had been here less than 7 minutes ago.  Where was it now?  The "locate" feature on my laptop showed me that the phone had been powered down.  Realization set in.  Someone knew I'd lost my phone and powered it down, and taken it.  Fuck. 

Some of the other patrons at Starbucks had heard me talking to the counter guy and began piecing this inane little drama together, and they couldn't have been kinder.  a guy at a nearby table asked if I wanted to use his phone to call mine (straight to voicemail) and two kids mentioned that they'd heard the phone go off and seen a guy who had been sleeping next to it take it and walk out.  The guy was a regular, and Cute Starbucks Man remembered him, so he said next time he came into the shop he would try to find out who he was.  He gave me his number in case I needed anything. 

I wasn't done. I wasn;t giving in easily this time.  I wasn't just going to let someone my fuck me over.  Oh no, I wasn't taking this shit sitting down this time.  Nope, I was going to wander around the neighborhood looking for this guy.  But after that proved fruitless, I went home to recheck the location of the phone and see if it had been turned back on.

Once home, the anger came.  "Who the hell did this little fuck think he is?  What gives him the right?  He doesn't know my situation!  I can't afford another phone!  I'm just picking up the pieces from the last time.  This has been one shitty month of shitty things happening!!!!"  What was worse was the knowing that some of those, not all, but some, had been preventable and that it wasn't someone on the outside who'd been responsible them, but a man on the inside.  That man... (spoiler alert) was... (wait for it)...me. 

But still, if I found this guy I was going to punch the shit out of him.  I was going to make mincemeat out of his face.  He would rue the day he fucked with this faggots phone.  And yeah, maybe part of it would be directed at the guy who stole my stuff at Christmas time, but I didn't care.  Someone was going down for this.  And even if he beat me up instead of the other way around, I was going to go down fighting! 

And then, after the phone had been powered down for forty minutes, I paused my "why me, what I have I done to deserve this, somebody's going to pay, I can't afford this!  I don't have money...well I'm just going to have to go without a phone, and what's that going to do to my work situation" pity party, a new location for the phone had been pinpointed just a few blocks from the Starbucks.  Before I really knew what I was doing, I was out the door and in my car with my laptop open in the seat next to me. I knew you weren't supposed to go to the address where your phone had been located, but at that point I didn't care.  This had become bigger than my iphone.  It was about justice goddamnit and I was gonna git some.  A part of me knew I could always turn back if things seemed dicey so I drove to the house and watched it from the street.

A few minutes later a schlubby guy in a baseball cap  come out of the house, dropped something in his garbage can and walked back into the house.  He seemed safe enough.  And if my danger signals went off I could lie and say I was looking for my friend Berniece, or some other story...

I rang the doorbell and the guy came out.  He was on the phone.

Schlubby Guy:  Hold on dude, something's up.  Yeah?

Me:  I'm looking for my I-phone.  I located it at this address.  Pretty sure you have it.

Schlubby Guy:  Oh yeah!!  I was waiting for you, I wondered when you'd come by for it.  Hold on.

So, what...this asshole is just going to pretend that he was hoping I'd come by and get the phone? He was keeping it here at his house in the hopes I would track it down?  Whatever gets you through your day, dickface.  Just give me the fuckin' phone.

When he came back, instead of giving me my iphone he handed over this  brown taped up box.  Did he think I was UPS?

Me:  No, I'm here for an iphone that was taken and I tracked here.  Do you have  little Asian guy here with black headphones, goes to Starbucks a lot?

Schlubby Guy:  Yeah.

Me:  Well, could you let me talk to him, or talk to him for me?

It was at this point that the smell of pot hit my nostrils.  Eventually the little guy came out, my phone in hand.  I reached for it.  He wouldn't let go.  At this point I realized getting this back might be a bit more of a struggle than I'd thought.

Little Guy:  Will you turn it on?

Me:  ummm. no.

Little Guy:  Ok, Ok.

He looked at me.

Little Guy:  Well, you found it, you found it, so it's yours.

And that was that.  He let go of it, turned back into the house, closed the door behind him, and I drove home.  And sure, I felt good for a moment, happy that I'd taken matters into my own hands, even though they say you aren't supposed to (and I probably wouldn't recommend anyone else do this either, just in case), but I also felt sad.  Sad that someone could justify walking off with someone else's stuff.  I suppose it's possible that he meant to figure out for himself who it belonged to and didn't want to hand it over to the Starbucks people, but I don't truly believe that story.  Anyway, I got my phone back, got a bit of an adrenaline charge, and the only real downside was the loss of an hour, and the added feeling that the world was not quite as friendly as I'd thought before.
         

TJGS Episode 4: Mad Guest Stars and Englishman



This is the episode where Judy talks, Lena growls, Jerry vamooses, and Terry Thomas is an all around British charmer.  This is also the episode in which the CBS brass, in the form of Programming Executive Hunt Stromberg, Jr, got hands on.  The Garland show was looking like it might stick around, Garland hadn't imploded under the stressful schedule as some predicted she would, and so concern began to rise and they turned, as execs often do, to the average citizen of America through the focus groups I'd mentioned earlier.  They were Garland's appeal, and the fact that she didn't quite fit the CBS mold.  They were worried she that America didn't find her approachable, that she was too affectionate with the guests, and so they made some "suggestions" and encouraged Garland to talk and tell stories so the audience could get to know her.  They added a segment called "Tea For Two" in which Judy would chat casually with one of her guest stars, and swapped out a song for an anecdote about how she lost the Academy Award in the upcoming episode's "trunk" spot.  All of this input put a lot of folks on edge, especially Judy and her producer.  They'd been left relatively alone for awhile, and this new input could not be good news.

"Rainbow's End" implies that Schlatter directed Judy to make an exit from the set for awhile, as he also was largely absent, and unfortunately Lena Horne, the guest that week, was put off by it.  Now, Judy was never really fond of rehearsing and thought too much rehearsing for this show would rob it of freshness and spontaneity, and in the past she hadn't needed it.  She was the "one take wonder" who could pick up a dance step by seeing it once, could look at a piece of sheet music onte time and have it down pat, which even Mel Torme conceded to having seen in action.  So even now, when she could use the rehearsal as her dancing chops had somewhat rusted, she didn't have the discipline in her muscle memory, and the set was hardly the pleasant place to be that it had once been, and Garland had always soaked in her environment like a sponge.  So there were probably a few factors that led to her absence from rehearsals this week.  Regardless, Lena was not pleased, and it shows.   

Now, I, for one am leery of those who think they can read what's going on behind the scenes by body language, etc.  because in a very real way the "insights" of the lightly informed often say more about the audience member than the subject.  For example, people are always making sweeping statements about Garland when they watch her perform.  "Oh she looks nervous", "you can tell she's really sad", "She looks drunk" and I have always been a very strong believer that


1. You see what you think you will see.  You've heard that Garland drank, and are looking for are seeking evidence to prove your juicy beliefs.  Trust me, you will find them even if they aren't there.  As a pretty rabid fan I've seen and heard lots of footage, including occasional footage in which Garland is "overmedicated", and it's quite apparent when that's the case.  Trust me, give your discerning eye a rest and enjoy what actually is up there.

  2.  Judy was an actress, and when she performed a song, she felt and radiated the emotions of the song and character she was playing.  It's part of what makes her so special.  It ain't American Idol where someone smiles, sells it, and performs vocal yoga ad nauseum,  even if it's a ballad of loss.  It's called acting.

If you still think you are so perceptive, let's try an experiment, if you are game.  Watch Lena Horne on the show.  What do you think?  She sways a bit, she leers, wobbles, twitches and growls through the show, she flubs a line...she's a prime candidate to be one "drunkin punkin"!  She looks drunk!   And yet, she ain't drunk. 

What I will posit however, based on my understanding of the show's dynamics that week, and the body language, that she seemed a bit...tense compared to her usual self.  She hardly looks at Judy while performing with her.  She's closed off, determined, like a locomotive chugging down the track.  She's on her own.  And what camaraderie there is, at least from her side, seems forced.  A good example of this is the hyper-manic cackling and shaking, kicking and head tossing at the end of the "Judy Sings Lena/Lena Sings Judy" number.  We get it, ladies.  You are having one fucking amazing time. On the upside?  Tense set or not, Lena and Judy both put out some great performances.  If you are not familiar with Lena Horne, give her a listen.  Lady had some pipes...

 

As for the rest of the show, it's certainly above par, and as a guest star Terry Thomas is just charming.  He's extremely agreeable, polite, warm, and ever so British.  Judy is once again looking gorgeous in this show, and she sings a really intimate rendition of "A Foggy Day in London Town" that is pretty fascinating.  I've always loved watching her sing to an individual because the intimacy does something to the words, make them so...immediate.

 









One thing you won't see on this episode is Jerry Van Dyke.  Though filmed fourth, the episode aired 10th, after it had been announced that Van Dyke was leaving the show, so his work, which is pretty enjoyable in this episode, I have to say, can only be found in the outtakes.

Final Note:  I wish I could go back in time to 1963 and burn those weird trench coat gowns Judy and Lena are wearing in the opening number before they get a chance to put them on.  They look like wrapped up sateen mummys.  No Ma'am, Pam.

TJGS Episode 3: Mother Daughter Songfest

Liza Minnelli is a revelation in her guest spot on the third episode of The Judy Garland Show.  She's still forming as an artist and performer, still a little raw, and her presence is so..."unaffected" as one critic wrote, that I found myself wanting to be her best friend.  She's earnest, bouncy, boisterous, and so eager to please that you can't help but root for her.  She dredges up a that same desire to want to protect her that people have for Judy.  When you watch her, get a sense that there's something very special in her, something still shaping itself, that she courageously and unselfishly (if somewhat unwisely)  lets loose for all to see.  I say "unwisely" because anyone up onstage in front of that many people, with so little "armor" is going to be in for some tough surprises down the road.  It makes you want to fight for her and protect her so she can keep giving of this magic that she seems born to give. 

 

 

And take a close look at Liza's styling.  I have always thought that Rachel Berry's look in early episodes of Glee was reminiscent of Liza's.  Anybody else?  Am I just seeing what I want to see, kind of like when you buy a new Jeep Cherokee and suddenly it seems like everyone else has a Jeep Cherokee simply because you are attuned to seeing Jeep Cherokees???

 

One thing I AM certain of is that the number at the end of the episode, in which Liza and Judy dress up as hobos (Judy loved that hobo thing) inspired another duet on a certain show that any other kid of my age has embedded in his DNA. 

 

First there was "Judy and Liza"...

 

 

 

 

Then there was "Flo and Mo", also known as "Carol and Marcia"

 

 

 

This episode also had another great solo by Judy, in fact there are two of them duking it out for top honors here.  There was a powerful rendition of "Come Rain Or Come Shine", as only Judy can do it, and yet she would perform the song again in a later episode and that performance is just a little better than this one in my opinion so I'm going to save it for later.  No, the performance I love, and that is practically perfect is Judy' rendition of "As Long As He Needs Me".  Lionel Bart has been quoted many times as saying that Judy's voice was his inspiration for the score of Oliver, and so it's fitting that Judy gives the definitive performance.  If only it weren't for that damn chorus towards the end and that soprano who is really going for broke.  Ah well.  It was the early sixties after all.

 



 

Another thing that amazes me is how natural both Judy and Liza make this canned dialogue seem when they are together.  Sure there are moments when they are improvising, but then some of the dialogue is clearly scripted, and coming from anyone else would seem hokey as hell, but from these two, it seems so organic that it work in spite of itself. 

 

Finally, a bit of ridiculousness.  No sixties variety show is complete without a little bit of bizarrity.  In this case it is provided by The Brothers Castro.  Or, I should say it is provided by the Garland Show creative who take a perfectly charming, if somewhat "rough" act and turn it into this weird kind of Hollywood version of "Ole Mexico" that you can't help but be somewhat horrified and mesmerized by.  And, if you haven't noticed by now, wherever there's some bizarre shit going down, the "Judy Garland Dancers" are sure to be close at hand.  What the fuck is up with this mini-skirt poncho thing?

 

 

 

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